Neurotic Like Me

So today has been an array of events, all of which were mundane and not all that exciting.

There was Germany's win against Ghana advancing them into the next round. Not to mention the American's success, and the miracle of England also making it through to the next round.

If you're someone like me who is blind and does not get health coverage, any deal is worth taking if it reduces your costs. For example, I went for my annual optometric appointment, and I was told that if I bought a full years supply of contacts, I would get 25% of a new pair of glasses -which I needed. Score. I picked out yet another pair of square frames, which my sister calls *** glasses. You'd be suprised that the cost of lenses is at least double the price of the frames if you're as blind as me. So 25% off of a new pair of glasses saves me $100 which is awesome. The best part of the whole appointment was the discussion I had about my eyes being super dry in the morning for the last month since I got back from France. I wasn't gone long enough for the climate to affect me. As my optometrist looked at my eyes, she said just the lenses were dry. And then asked me if anyone has ever told me that I sleep with my eyes open. Well no. I sleepwalk. It's not regular, but regular enough to have this comment make sense to me. WTF? I sleep with my eyes open all of a sudden? That's mental. Almost scary. Lucky for me, I got some fancy eyedrops to use in the morning. I still can't quite wrap my head around the fact that I am now sleeping with my eyes open.

Since the day was lovely, I couldn't bring myself to work-out in the gym when I could be outside. I don't know what I was thinking. Being restless is probably the worst thing to be when deciding to go for a walk with no aim or purpose. I past a sign saying Rock Sugar has bubble tea, went there, saw that they didn't open for 45 more minutes so I went to McNally's. I'm not sure if it was my guilt that I need to start reading the books I have bought or my restlessness, although I'm leaning towards guilt, the literature section was not fulfilling me. As I purused almost every genre, I realized that what I needed was some philosophy. Hence the title of neuroticism. I picked up an anthology called Philosophy and Death. In case you were interested, it has three parts: the nature of death and our knowledge of it, how should we view death and ethics about death such as murder, suicide, ethunasia, etc. At that moment I was content and hungry.

I'm still hungry. I would rather blog or watch TV then actually cook something. It's really about washing dishes. I only have one sink. So rinsing is a pain in the ass. Also, the sink is so strange, that I can't find a sink stopper so I can fill the damn thing up long enough to wash anything. I would rather starve then make something. If I pick something up, it's going to be all starchy, and blah.

So right now I'm feeling like blah with my super dry eyes from sleeping with my eyes open and being all hungry, but not eating real food because of a sink. Neurotic.

As a side note, I had perused a book some guy had written that was based on his life events, which were crazy and so offbeat, he needed to share. I thought what a great idea, I would love to do that, only my life is boring. I could have those strange events too, but that would mean I would have zero standards and a flagrant disregard for my sense of well-being and protection. Of course if you walked downtown and met some drunk homeless person and took them home for a night so they could sleep on your couch, something is bound to happen. I'm sure he put himself in those situations in the first place. It reminded me of something M said today about MuchMusic having a contest of having a reality show of your friends because you're just so damn interesting. I wonder how that will go.

Adios amigos.

"You've Had A Lot Of D*** Jacey, But You Ain't Had Mine"

This has to be a lightening quick post since I'm on my way out the door in 25 minutes.

I just finished watching The Messenger, and it was fantastic. The script was great. So was the story and dialogue. Woody Harrelson is an amazing character actor. I always seem to forget that. Maybe because of his movies like White Men Can't Jump and that lottery movie that make me think of him. Usually though he plays comedic characters, so this was a nice change. Ben Foster has really become something else. He used to be on some tween show back in the day and it's hard to believe that he went from that to these gritty roles he keeps taking on. I liked the film so much because it reminded me that we all are grappling with our own demons, and some worse than others, but demons nonetheless.

The title... my new neighbour next to me likes to play his TV and music loudly. Annoyingly sometimes. Today it was music. Way too loud. I reached that point to go out in the hallway to see if you can hear it there and not just in my apartment and bathroom. Turns out, I can hear the lyrics more clearly out there than in here -unless I put my ear to the door. Hence the title. Of all the songs he plays, he plays Blood Hound gang and a song about head. Really. I listened to that CD when I was in grade 8. In fact, other songs he likes to play include Chumbawamba's 'I Get Knocked Down' and Offspring's 'Pretty Fly For a White Guy'. All of which make my ears bleed. I was hoping someone else would tell him to shut-up but they didn't. Since I'm leaving right away I thought I would let it slide. That was until the used to be noisy tenant above me started getting annoyed like it was me making the noise, so I settled it on behalf of everyone else.

FIFA will have to be another time. And do I ever have a lot to say.

The Conflicting Horoscopes

Front and centre, the most nagging obstacle in my life is my inability to clean my apartment. It used to be a ritual. I would devote an hour and half to cleaning it from top to bottom, and an extra half hour for laundry days. It's so frustrating. Just like how I haven't been able to get a good night's sleep since getting back from my trip. It's amazing what 14 days can do to a person eg. my messy apartment. It's been said that an organized and cleanly space, brings order to your life. I have to agree with this. I'm going to guess its a lack of motivation that I can't haul ass and do it all at the same time, instead of how piece meal I've been about the whole thing.

This is probably too much information, but I finally changed the sheets on my bed considering the last time they were changed was April 15th. The disgusting story behind it was that I changed them on the 15th, my cat threw up on the bed skirt on the 18th, so I washed my sheets frantically at my apartment and then headed over to the house to have them dried since it costs me nothing at the house and two dollars in the machines. The 18th happened to be the last time I saw my father alive. Hygiene and cleanliness are one of the few basic activities that humans perform that are outside the body. As mundane as it is, it's also profane in that it's ritualistic. Not to mention all the meaning behind the act of cleansing, making anew and so forth. I'm almost positive the changing of my sheets may disrupt this pattern I've created for myself in the last month.

So I've been reading my horoscope for the last two and a half weeks almost daily. I received my Elle Canada last week and on Sunday I read my zodiac forecast for the rest of the year I think. I don't know, nor will I confirm it. The thing about this magazine is that it's demographic is somewhere between 35 and 50. My horoscope always says something like you were at the top of your game in the 90's. I turned 13 in 1999. Yikes. If that was the top of my game in my childhood preadolescence, that's horrifying. For the rest of the year it's like career this and blah blah blah, but it never mentions anything that I actually want. I wonder how much of what is predicted is true and what it false about the whole thing. There are some terrifying similarities with horoscopes and planet alignments and astrology. Higher caste Hindu's have astrological charts made in order to find a suitable marriage match based on birth, numerology and other various things. A bad match leads to a bad life in different ways. You pay the price by going against what the stars have aligned for you. It's not based on destiny, but cosmic order. It's the idea of putting chaos into order.

I always thought that gravity held everything together. That gravity was holding chaos together. In a theoretical physics book I bought- of which I only scratched the surface of it because it was daunting- gravity is considered a weak force. If gravity isn't as strong as I thought it was, what's holding it all together??? I bet I would know the answer if I read more of the book. Or maybe I still wouldn't know. This is definitely not something I should be thinking about before going to bed. I can guarantee another sleepless night ahead of me. The alignment of stars and planets is based on gravity. If it's weak, how strong are these astrological predictions? It's hard to deny the uncanny truth behind some of these things though. My Elle could be lying to me, but maybe I have read some truth in others. If there wasn't any motion creating gravity, there wouldn't be any order. ANYWAYS, I'm trying to find order, but I kind find the truth I'm looking for and I don't know where to look. So now I'm being careful about my justifications of choices because of the conclusion I came to last week, but to not make any choices at all is bad faith, even though it's a choice. Bad faith goes against my philosophy. I'm having a hard time to figuring out how to get to the ethical from this standpoint in order to make the leap. What's the immediacy of my current situation? Or have I even completed this immediacy, if that's the case, of course I can't see the ethical. As much as I love Kierkegaard and his brilliance, I can say with certainty, that my leap is not based on Christianity. I need to read more philosophy or more Kierkegaard, because I'm sure he figured it out. My professor advised not to read Kierkegaard again for a few years because you can become so saturated in his thoughts that you miss the message he's pointing out. Plus the fact that he has major run-on sentences that are whole paragraphs, it's a lot to take in and understand. If you miss something, even minute, you get the wrong message. One thing I've discovered is that the more brilliant a person is, the difficult it is in understanding and translating subjective truth discoveries in an objective manner. The transition loses its meaning.

I constantly think about how I wish I could have a life devoted to academics, and leisurely frolicking like the ancient Greek philosophers and politicians did. What a life. You don't have a job, but have wealth, and servants and status. That would be the ideal life situation of contemplating the cosmos and human nature by day and drinking and socializing by night. This isn't the life for everyone, but I would adore it, it would be satisfying and fulfilling. Sadly, that's not my reality and probably never will be, but I can dream.

I'm quite the rambling mess today. I think its contributed to the fact that I have a head cold, which is extremely irritating, especially since it is June. My head is foggy so I can't compile my thoughts into a sensical order that flow the way they should when sharing thoughts on a public level. When do my thoughts make sense to other people anyways. Now that I have mentioned physics, I have the desire to give my brain a work-out before bed.

On a completely different topic, the most random and hilarious thing M has said that I have heard which happened today was that her legs were sweating. If it came from my mouth, which it has, this seems like a normal sentence for me. From M though, it was hilarious, just like her feelings on how adorable Jaden Smith is. Or that new Justin Beiber song and the new Karate Kid movie. I would never publicly admit to anyone whether I want to see that movie or not. If I did watch it, it would be on DVD and I would never tell anyone.

When I'm feeling more like myself I'll talk about the superficial again, like this article in Elle about all the new upcoming Canadian models. They're all 5'11" with crazy thin measurements averaging at 33-24-33. That's crazy. I did my measurements today. 33-26.5-36. Crazy thin. It's impossible finding 26 waisted jeans with a super long inseam. These girls are even tinier than that. I don't know how they find pants. They must not wear pants or have them specially made for them. I almost want to interview them and ask them these silly questions. Although when I was 18 I had measurements like those until I got older and put on weight. These models are bound to get larger. Unless they develop an eating disorder in order to keep those rail thing numbers. I can't even imagine people envying body types like those. They're not feminine. As elegant as they look, it looks unhealthy. If you look at art history and paintings and photography from the 60's, women didn't look like that nor were they idolized to be unhealthily skinny. I'm waiting for that view point to change, so we stopping obsessing about weight and start obsessing about everything else wrong with Western culture and where the world is heading.

For example, this whole BP topic, and the gulf. It's only be addressed from an economic standpoint. How much is it going to cost, what it is costing us now? What it's doing to the Tennessee fishing industry and what it's costing BP to clean up. For one, this could have happened to oil company. The public shouldn't just be attacking BP they should be attacking all offshore drilling. The likelihood of this happening somewhere else at this level of a disaster is very probable. I don't know why I started this topic, because it's a post all on its own. If I get ambitious, maybe I'll devote a post to my thoughts about the whole matter making sure I reference facts so that I don't ramble off like a "derp". I've had my fair share with some "derps" who should have been smarter than their opinions.

Goodnight.