Freedom

Earlier this evening I was hanging out with my friend K. We went for supper, hit some bookstores, talked, caught up; the usual. As I was driving back to her place we got on to the topic about relationships and whatnot. Her friends are getting engaged and so is she. All of my friends are in a serious relationship except one. It makes me think what's wrong with me, that I choose to be single and why I've been single for so long. It has its perks. At the moment I don't feel like going there. K said she was "envious" because I was free. What is free? I may not have a deep emotional attachment to someone that is all consuming, but I have my attachments, so how free am I other than I don't need to have another person in mind when it comes to doing things? In a sense, I'm not much freer than most people. The only free people I can think of, especially when it comes to philosophy are the Greek Skeptics. Their lack of possessions makes them free from material attachments, and their nihilism of not committing to any one thought other than that basic one. There is no such thing as freedom other than the freedom of choice and even choices are limited. If I lived like a Skeptic, or even an aesthetic on a mission of moksha or nirvana, there is an attachment to that belief that we can be free of our judgements, free from the cycle or rebirth, but we're still attached to our thoughts, and beliefs, so there really is no concept of freedom. To be ultimately free is to not make choices and be unaware of the fact that there are choices. That you just be and only be without any contemplating or reflective thought. That doesn't make sense since that's contradictory of what freedom means. What kind of freedom is there really? It doesn't exist in the pure sense of the ideal we think of when we think of freedom. It's one of those tricky universals, that are abstract, which I consider to not really exist. Even when it comes to that eg. definitions of words, but even different words have the same meaning. A perfect example of this is a crossword puzzle. You get a clue, and space is so many letters, but there are so many words you can come up with for that one clue. At this rate, freedom must be purely subjective, and the universal stems from the objectivity of this one concept we all understand, but take it to have different meanings, depending on what someone may think freedom is. To bring the discussion of freedom to an end, there is no such thing as freedom. I have more free choices because I'm single, because my choices are not solely dependent on my attachment to a person, but in a sense I'm not really free. What's a few more attachments? It's not like they'll weigh me down anymore than the limitations I set for myself right now. A truly free person has no attachments. Or maybe their attachments don't rule their life or decisions. A person who doesn't let their attachments they choose to have have some sort of influence on them has no right to have those attachments, because attachments mean sacrifices in some way or another. To avoid all attachments, would thus mean that one would be attached to not having attachments. This argument is going nowhere. No matter what perspective I take, its impossible to prove that freedom exists in a pure state.

I rest my case on freedom. It barely exists. The only freedom is the freedom to choose. I'm not free, I just have free will. That is a whole different topic. I've been thinking about Kierkegaard lately, but I dont know if enough time has passed yet that I can read it again. I take prof. Hudson's advice seriously; take a break from Kierkegaard and don't read him for a long time. I should have asked her what she meant by a long time, but I'm sure I'll know when I know.

Have a great Friday night. It's getting late, but the day isn't over. I plan to make the most of what's left of the day.

Lest We Forget

Another month, another day. Im currently watching CBC's Remembrance Day special. In about 15 minutes they'll start so I'll be making a quick one or taking a break midway through to pay my respects. For me, its hard to relate or have a connection with Remembrance Day. Maybe its my lack of history and real connection to the land that I feel separated from this experience.

I do think that all the box and chain stores should have waited to display their Christmas merchandise until after Remembrance Day. I think it's disrespectful and tackless. They make enough money off of Christmas as it is, the least they could do is observe respect for a holiday that is important.

A surprisng amount has happened over the past couple weeks. I'm leaving the pool hall. I haven't really told anyone over there ie. customers. I'm planning on celebrating my time there on my last day and I'm being particular about who I tell because I don't think I want them there. In fact, I may not say anything even though I probably should. My friend M called me a league girl. Which I have been, for almost 3 years now. It's the least I could do by saying something. Does it really even matter? When it comes to business we're all expendable. Someone else has already jumped at my shifts. I can't blame her. Tuesdays have been mine since we opened up at the new location, and now they'll be somebody else's. It would help if people would not compliment me now that I'm leaving. I like the appreciation whilst doing something, not when it doesn't matter or have the same meaning to me.

I'm excited about the next chapter of my life. I don't think I'm going to mark my body again though. I've thought about it. This one just isn't as life changing for me. This year has been nothing less than a growing year for me in so many ways. For this I am thankful. Knowledge comes at a price though. To say it was easy would be a lie. Anyone telling you where they got was easy, that would be a lie too. Unless they sold their soul to the devil. In that case, to sell your soul for so little, it must have been an easy decision.

Now I remember why I had the urge to write. Typical me, my thoughts flow wherever they flow. For some odd reason I've forgot the word for it too. Which is definitely ironic because Philosophy professors are really bad for it. I imagine this will get worse with time. I came on here because I have an obsession for horoscopes lately. And mine for today on myAOL reads as: You have high hopes for reaching your goals today, but the determination for which you are famous may not be enough to guarantee your success. Instead of relentlessly driving toward your singular destination, remain open to what's being revealed by the changing circumstances. It's more important to be light on your feet and willing to switch direction than it is to doggedly push toward an objective that no longer makes sense.

What does this mean? I get it. It's accurate, although I'm not going to divulge it's accuracy. I like being sly about things and then never remember what I was talking about later. The day is early. I'm guessing if I just let things go where they go I should just let them go where they go. Why I'm so relaxed about this is odd. Is it because I don't care or is it because there is no use fighting what can't be fought? I'm JFL today. It's weird having a day off so close to the weekend, but still have to go back to work for one more day will be weird. Last night felt like Friday, so does that mean tomorrow will feel like Monday?

For some reason, this video and this song came to me. A Tribe Called Quest Why I thought of this seems to sum up this day. This day is going somewhere and so do I. If you have some time and feel like getting funky after watching or listening to the video, check out the playlist for A Tribe Called Quest. It's pretty good. Dancing in the morning is awesome.

Lest We Forget.