During the day, usually into the afternoon is the time when I start hating on my present situation. For someone reason I can never see the positives in my life right now, just the negatives. Such as I wish I had a career or made more money. I now only have two single friends left which is making me feel lonely for being single. Not to mention how single I feel when I'm hanging out with a bunch of couples makes me feel like the odd one out. Although, I always think of the the regular essayist of Elle Canada Magazine, and how Tabatha is always single and her friends always set her up with weird people or need someone to fill an empty place setting for a dinner party and it makes me feel normal.
Or the fact that I'm super impatient and can't find any ads that interest me for a place. My heart is still set on the beautiful little apartment that I wasn't even considered for nor probably even glanced at *tear*. And all I want is that apartment and I still get choked up on it because I know I'm not going to find anything quite as nice and quaint as that one. I've seen some reasonable places, but they're all on the other end of the city and I'm so not interested in living that far away from where I already reside. I think I may have to give up on that one. My heart still lingers on its granite counter-tops, cherry hardwood floors, creamy tiles and the French balcony door.
It never fails when I'm hating on myself, that when I go work at the pool hall, I feel loads better about myself. People treat me like a human being- an equal. Maybe if I didn't have to wear a uniform that made me feel frumpy and unattractive, all the stuck up customers would shut their non-verbal judging mouths (at my day job that is). Regardless I have a great time, joke, laugh and just feel great. It's one of the reasons I can't let the place go yet, and I'm not sure when I will leave the place that feels so much like my working home, that I don't know what I would do without it.
Although I don't drink tequila, next time I order it, I can't forget the limes or the salt.
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