TheThings I Cannot Do

The thought of putting a hard-boiled egg on a salad seemed like the most repulsive thing ever. Today I had my first spinach salad that I kept the sliced egg on. I have converted with the rest of the people. Now I wouldn’t eat this on a regular basis, but I’m no longer squeamish about this. Next time I see a Nicoise salad on a menu, I’m going to order it. I don’t think I’ll be changing my mind about lobster though, unless I’m on the East coast and it’s right out of the ocean on to my plate fresh. Every time someone orders one and forces me to have some, I never like it.
 
Speaking of seafood… I miss the ocean. If I moved somewhere right by the ocean, I would buy a house as close as I could to the beach. I’m sure I’d go swimming and body boarding a lot. It’s one of those things people would say, if you lived there, you wouldn’t use it. I think that’s true for some people, but not me. If I’ve managed to get up at 5 every morning to walk to work, then yes I think I would go to the ocean frequently. Before the Pelicans moved in on the river, there were droves of seagulls and I mean droves of them. I’d fall asleep to the sound of seagulls, I would wake up to the sound of seagulls and in my bathroom I would hear regular birds out the window. It’s a really strange phenomenon.
 
Speaking of seagulls… someone told me today that they would like to kill a whole lot of them… he was referring to them situated over a dump and not the water. He had heard that if you put baking soda on their food, they would explode, even if they were in midair. I’m sure it’s more like their insides would burst and they would drop dead. Either way, I don’t want to witness such a horrible thing, scavengers or not. Their eating habits are only a product of the environment we have created. Crows eat McDonalds off the road too. I think they’re disliked for other things like eating baby birds and eggs and making a racket.
 
Speaking of McDonalds… Now I’m hungry for a burger and there is no time to make one at home tonight because it’s the first night of softball. I’ve been craving a burger since Monday. There are no close fast food joints within walking distance of me and hell no I am not going to the foot traffic one on the corner of 2nd and 22nd street. It is ghetto as shit. If there was sketchy place to be in downtown Saskatoon, it would be that McDonalds and the portion in front of it and then slightly passed it next to the only locally owned 24 hour family restaurant. I’d pass the downtown bus stop at night time before stopping at that McDonalds after the white collar employees have left the downtown area. Now that it’s nice out, I’m sure they’re sitting at the very few patios we do have. I think there is only 2 patios in the downtown. O’Shea’s and Flint, and Flint is so small, but they have the Montreal thing where you can open the whole front of it.
 
I feel like a weirdo that I’m counting down to EUFA. I was super sad that there isn’t any world soccer tournament this summer. I don’t think any world cup at work will ever match last year’s. It was a blast. Now I hope during EUFA, that f*cking  octopus isn’t “predicting” what matches will win. I’ll be pissed if I see that cute octopus selecting Spain again. I’m sure I’ll flip. I’ll flip so much that I’ll do the D/G family thing and actually flip a table over. I hope I have so much rage that I’ll do a Thor and flip over the biggest and heaviest banquet table over that has the biggest celebration feast on it and I ruin all that great food because of that octopus. I’m sure this would be funny to see… considering my spaghetti arms think 20lbs is heavy. You don’t even want to know how I fair trying to lift a 50lb of potatoes. I won’t be saving lives in a fire. I’m sure I would think I’ve accomplished this major feat and then realize I have moved some 6 steps and the whole building collapses in front of me.
 
 
 
I’ve seen that I’ve written the worth of a two page essay, but I’m in no rush to get through this, although my stomach is really sad that I’ve eaten a spinach salad. I hope that this passes because I kind of want to play soft ball. It was the egg I swear! Thinking about it, my salad came from Wal-Mart, and the spinach probably wasn’t washed to Canadian FDA standards, which means of course I would get ill. Please no salmonella for me. I like working. The prospect of sleeping on my couch in my j’s watching movies and reading is really tempting… but not at the price of food poisoning, which is a terrible thing to have. This word grammar checker is killing me. Everything I have written is grammatically wrong, some fragment needs revision. Reconsider blah blah blah. Sometimes it sounds right and I ignore it. And then on essays I would frequently read in the margin “this sentence is awkward”. Clearly my head doesn’t think grammatically correct. I usually proof read before I publish. Always catching those spelling errors that somehow spell check doesn’t correct.
 
The things I cannot do amongst the already impossibly long list like whistle, fly, touch my toes, breath under water, hurl a boulder, live forever, teleport to different locations… is I cannot access blogger, or obviously any social networking tool, but any video of any kind, no matter if it is work related. If it comes from an external source, there is no way I will ever view it whilst sitting at my desk even on my own break. There are also moments where I would like to say “listen here bub, no” or “that’s nice”. I realize saying that’s nice always sounds sarcastic unless it’s followed by a “that sounds nice” or “that sounds really nice”. “Oh yeah” is my tried and true for all kinds of “that’s nice” and “I’m so not listening” or “you know what I could really go for is something to eat like…” it’s not because I’m not interested, well if you’re someone I don’t particularly like talking to or being around, then yes I’m not interested, but it’s I want to be in my own thoughts right now or do something else. Sometimes “oh yeah” really means “oh yeah”, especially with an inflection, like I’m asking a question.