I've run out of matches, and for some reason lighters just don't work for lighting candles that aren't new. This has resulted in me burning my fingers for the last few days.In fact I've had a lot of burning in the last couple days. Even when I've been cooking I've burnt my fingers on the handles. Just a whole lot of burning going on in my life.
I ruined my New Years yesterday. I tried to put myself together for a party, but I lost myself again. I don't think I drunk a whole bottle of champagne... but it's possible. The last time I polished off a bottle, the same thing resulted. Although I made it to New Years. And I was sick at 3 am and not at 11:30. I spent the countdown with my face in the toilet, while I heard everyone cheering and having fun like I should have been having. Sadly, my hang over isn't what's kicking me today. I really don't like placing the blame on anyone other than myself. I'm responisble for myself and my actions. Although it's easier to blame others, I'm an existentialist through and through, and to blame someone else is inauthentic.
I attended a very nice dinner party in a very nice condo tonight. It was all very nice. I felt like a grown-up. I don't have too many moments like those. For the most part I still feel like I'm a kid. Maybe if I owned something I wouldn't feel this way. Or maybe if I was married. Probably not. Maybe it will only be those moments every once in awhile.
I glimpsed the Northern Lights tonight. It's been awhile since I've seen them. It was a treat. And they weren't green like the usually are when I see them in the city. They were white and short and perfect for the quiet cloudy night that today has been.
Often I wonder if these are all signs for something. I know, its probably coincidence. Sometimes it's got me wondering. Like if I hadn't have gone for a cruise before the dinner party along the river, would I have seen them? Usually that's where I see them. Right place at the right time?
I did my cards in August. I don't know why I do my cards, but the cards are always right. Not coincidence. I worked for a woman whom read tarot cards, and her predictions were spot on when she was in high school. Suddenly her cards were off and it was because her younger sister was using them. Because they are my cards and only I touch them, I think they're true. Eerie I know. Over Christmas my mother bought these mensa personality quiz cards. To my sister's surprise she thought she was more intuitive scoring a 53. I on the other hand scored an 88 out of 110. So maybe I'm not so much more intuitive, but gullable because I believe in the cards I deal myself. I basically do a short reading from both decks. To do a 13 card reading would be exhausting since I haven't really studied my cards. Maybe sometime.
The card that stuck out the most was the Knight of Swords. I knew it was a person and I knew who it was. I was hoping that I was wrong; that the card was about me and not a person. My gut was right and it was a person and it was just I had expected. It's funny how I knew in August that they would come and go. I really didn't want it to be true. There's nothing that can be done about it. It also predicted a new career in the near future. The thing about the cards, is that each card can either be about personal growth, another individual representing that card or a situation. For me, it's easy to accept the cards as truth because it's not necessarily fate or predetermined circumstances. The future is entirely subjective. Thoughts are constantly changing. A short reading is just as it is. A reading of a short amount of time. I only do them once and awhile. Had I not have done a reading in August I wouldn't have been aware of the Knight of Swords and I would today still believe that not all was lost. Since I did the reading, I know better. You can doubt the cards, but I don't.
I'll do another reading today before midnight.
I've included a station that I happen to like. I thought it fit my mood to a T.
Cheers to you and hopefully a better year than the last.
1 comment:
I still find the card reading extremely interesting. I will have to initiate a conversation about them some time.. Just to hear you explain them more!!
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