I Heard You Say, "Hey, Hey!"

So I finally watched the video that Wellington posted. I liked the song so much I felt like sharing it too. It's not the same version, but it's the only one I could find. It's not much different than the promo video. Now all I want to do is be sitting in a dark lounge listening to music that makes me want to move and drink champagne cocktails. It's too bad that there isn't any really in the city, because I think it would be home. Although lately I haven't been in the social mood. Maybe next weekend.

I wasted this weekend like I did last weekend. I spent the day at Costco and the new Walmart. For one, I can't shop when it is super busy and full of people looking at things I am or coming over to look at the same things. I'm crowd claustrophobic. I don't like people touching or bumping into me. The new Walmart which is a supercentre is OMG, just like the one in Shallotte, NC. I briefly felt like it was summer and I would be hitting the beach soon and taking a dip in the ocean. Sadly, the feeling faded when I realized I was still home and no where near the ocean or warm temperatures. I wonder if the supercentres are all unified in their layouts or it just happened that this one was the same as Shallotte's. The only pieces that I really need are nightstands and a toilet brush. Talk about efficient. And then obviously I need to stock my place with groceries. But that's next weekend.

I'm totally loving Grooveshark. I wish that Apple products like ipods and such would be compatible with flashplayer. I could make these awesome playlists which I can stream from the internet when I dock my ipod, but lamely, Apple has decided to make flash an impossible. Although I read online that Grooveshark and Apple are working on an app. That would be awesome!!! It would save me money from not downloading music and also I would have the perfect mix of what I'm feeling because it's really hard finding an internet radio station that plays exactly what I'm feeling.

I don't have too many spaces in my room that I have things stored. I spent Thursday night packing boxes with all my books which is like 3 and a half boxes, which I think is impressive since it didn't look like that many books were sitting on my shelves. I then proceeded to look at my tiny little cabinets only to find that majority of the stuff I was keeping was actually junk. I'm a hoarder of little things. I ended up filling one giant garbage bag full of nothing really. The bag was considerably heavy. It ended up being hilarious because my Mom was looking at me like I was crazy, which made me laugh, and then I was sure I would drop the bag down the stairs. Needless to say, I made it outside to the garbage can. The only thing I haven't packed yet is mY clothes and I really don't feel like it. I can just take them on their hangers right??? It's possible that I might just do that. What's the point of taking them off and then folding them and then rehanging them. Essentially I'm saving time. There was this garment rack at Jysk, but I think it would be useless since I don't own a van. Ugh.

So Wellington (and K?) bought me a duvet and duvet cover for me for Christmas. Obviously I'm going to use it. There just happens to be one spot where the embroidery has unravelled that I'm going to mend after blogging, but Lucy, keeps trying to sit on the damn thing and each time I scold her for trying to sit on it, she gets frustrated and angry. It's like, you don't need to sit on it. It's not like it is on my entire bed. By next weekend she'll be lounging on it, so what the heck?

I don't have nor have I arranged for internet/cable/phone to be installed yet in my place, so I'm not sure when I'll be blogging again. I really just want to take some pictures of it before and after and post them, but I don't think it's wise, so I'm just going to e-mail them to my sister.

Have a good week. I know I will have an exciting, stressful and exhausting week ahead of me. Tomorrow is the first and I get possession of the place. It's basically all about being handed the keys. Just like when you buy a car and they hand you the keys. It's all about the keys.

An Untitled Blog Leads to an Untitled Week

It's been a nice quiet Sunday for me. I haven't decided what I want to do with my movie review blog. I have seen at least 15 new movies this month and I just don't feel like talking about movies that don't move me. I only watched one movie worth talking about. I watched a matinee of Shutter Island yesterday. I really loved it. I thought it was classic sane meets insane Scorcese and his new modern twist on movies. His craft has really evolved. Taxi is similar to the stuff he's doing now, but the whole cinematography, director of photography and direction of acting has really been fine tuned. Maybe it is his age or the times, but I'd have to say since Gangs of New York, his work has been amazing every time. This is the stuff I like blogging about when it comes to movies, but you know I also watched Nia Vardalos' movie I Hate Valentine's Day, which I enjoyed, but I didn't want to talk about how cheesy it was in some parts. The writing was no where near as good as My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I only want to blog about movies that moved me. I watched Youth In Revolt and I loved it. It inspired me to create an alter ego for writing purposes, but finding the time to work on it for a writing project has been a bit difficult because I work so much and sane people need to socialize once and awhile. Although the movie inspired me, it wasn't something I wanted to blog on. I might just blog about the movies that move me in here, and make some kind of strange blend. I don't think I like esthetics of it. I don't think Shutter Island is for everyone. It's not what I expected. The preview was misleading, but I liked that about the movie. For people who like to see exactly what the preview is, I could see the disappointment for them. The music was overdramatic such as in the beginning. I was thinking 'Are you trying to cause angst in me? Because honestly nothing eerie is happening right now.' It was a bit early to be making a mood. To the point, it was a fantastic movie and I love the actor that DiCaprio is becoming.

To continue the flow, I got into Taking the Stage, which you can catch on MTV.ca's website. There's a lot of high school drama and the kind of things young people say when it comes to relationships. For one, if I were these art students, I think the last thing I would care about is talking about my crush and trash talking other girls. In a few years when they look back at the show, they might regret some of the things they said. I loved the first season, but it had more focus on their future dreams and careers and the new season is entirely focused on attraction. It almost feels like MTV made an Art Performance School Matchmaker show they threw all together to entertain people. It is the beginning of the school year and I'm sure as the months progress, so will their attentions on their goals and dreams and less about the boys and girls they think are hot and want to date. It's different to see it in a movie, but to see real people falling in love and having private moments in front of a camera, I feel like a voyeur on their teens lives and feelings they're having for the first time. Not all private moments are for sharing. If things don't work out, I don't think I would want my emotions documented publicly. It's weird.

This is my last Sunday that I'm going to have like this where I am now. I'm sure I'll have the same kind of Sundays, but I won't have any more like this where I am, and the fact that I cancelled on a friend to milk what's left of what I'm used to. I feel like I'm breaking up with my home. We'll be friends, but we won't be intimate anymore. It will be a memory. I started thinking about all my attachments. Sometimes you know its time to leave, but not just yet, so it's okay to linger awhile longer, and sometimes it is time to leave and staying is only hurting. Attachments always remind me of Eastern philosophy and Stoicism. Everything is impermanent, so we must change our judgements of things. There was an essay question about Alexander influencing the East, but I never had an interest in the question. If I were given the question again, I would have the answer. Stoicism is very similar to Buddhism, Jainism and Hinduism in some ways. It's all about impermanence and that this is not the final stage of life, but a portal into our real existence. One that is all encompassing and not segregated like we have it now, me and you, us and them. It makes me wonder if Up In The Air is right. The only thing holding us down are the things we carry, both physical and emotional. I don't think it's our nature to not have attachments. Humans have a sense of self. It seems impossible to be a conscious being and then to ignore our sense of self because it is an illusion. It feels contradicting to go against everything you know. Sometimes to accept things, it shakes the core of your foundations and we need foundations, otherwise we have nothing. As nihilistic as I am about environmentalism, and politics- since I think "what's the point?"- but I always have a lingering hope that someone will have true intentions, someone will get it right, someone will have strong moral ethics. It's that hope I have that I'm wrong. That my foundations are wrong. I think I can accept my foundations falling for an actualized hope and not something that barrels me over. Like The Road or The Book of Eli, where everything as we know it changes so quickly and all that we have held onto disappears and we have nothing left but to rebuild new foundations. I still don't want to exist if something like that ever happened. If human beings were reduced to the savages that lie in our very core which lie dormant in the hearts of people, I don't want to be there, I don't want to be witness to the complete loss of my hope. Impermanence. This coke manic who really needs help said last week that the only thing that matters in life regardless of what everyone has told you and everything you have learned, is our attitudes. Maybe if it came from someone who wasn't mentally compromised, I might have taken it to heart. It was the most and probably the only intelligent thing that will have come out of that man's head. Attitudes are judgements, but without the proper intention of those attitudes, we can justify anything falsely. Which is why I can't take what this man said to heart, because looking at him, I think that philosophy will become overrun by idiots. The same idiots who believe in relativism. I think I have learned which attachments are worth holding onto and which ones are worth losing and walking away from. The only thing stopping me is the memory of the attachments I've left behind. Some are worth remembering and others are best forgotten. Days like today are worth holding onto, even though it's a collective memory of my many days spent in bed watching TV, movies, reading and being online.

Cheers to all your lazy Sundays.

The Line of Room

For most of the day, all I have felt like is writing. Considering how much I was writing a year ago, I'm not writing nearly enough. The amount of essays I wrote I could have compiled a book from 3 semesters of essay writing. I think my last year I totaled some 55 pages each term, or maybe more. I would have to take a look at my saved files. When it comes to full typed pages, that's basically the size of a regular fiction book. If I could type that much in about 6 months -I've excluded the two months set aside for finals since most syllabuses are about 12 weeks- then I'm sure I can write a fiction book. When I decide to make this happen, I'm not so sure.

February is a short month, but it's really long. I can't believe it's Friday tomorrow. It felt like Friday today and I'm sure that tomorrow is going to feel like Tuesday for me. Although, once this weekend ends, the rest of the month is going to fly by. Except at work, this week has been painful. Even I'm bored. Usually I'm wishing people to stop showing up so I can take a break and this week I've been wishing that more people would show up. That's a bit off really.

After this weekend, I'm going to start packing up my life that resides in this one room I've been inhabiting since grade 9. My mother made me wait a year and half before I could move into my sister's room. I think my Mom was always expecting her to come home, and I always knew she wouldn't. I have packed away my childhood and my adolescence already, but now I'm going to pack up my student life and finally be on my own. It feels like February is taking a long time to end, as I write this, it really feels like it's coming up quickly. Right now, it's exciting. Almost exhilarating. The anticipation is suddenly a material thing and not just an idea, a thought or a whim. It's real and it's happening. Pretty quick, my life is going to change. It is actually a big change. I live a spoiled life. I rarely do the dishes. I rarely buy groceries. The only bills I pay are my car loan and my cell phone. I don't do my laundry, but my Mom does do my sister's laundry when we're down at her place. I had originally wrote up, but Wellington's home is south from here, so technically, we drive down to her place and she drives up here. I rarely do any chores or cook a lot of meals. In that perspective, I've been spoiled and I haven't taken it for granted.

I thought the title I picked was suitable for the entire post. The context of 'The Line of Room' is about a man who wanted 4 shots of espresso in a grande cup instead of a venti and asked for a lot of room. I asked him how much room he wanted and he pointed where on the cup was acceptable. Since I wasn't making the americano, I drew out the line. I so cleverly called it the line of room. The amount of room was 1/3 of the cup. Why he wasted all our cream, I don't know. Talk about fatty. He could have at least asked us to steam him some milk to put in the drink and call it a day. Maybe in his eyes, it wouldn't have been an americano, but technically it would have been. The only thing differentiating the damn thing is that there is hot water in it and less milk, so therefore it is not a latte.

I picked up a copy of Shape today at the grocery store. Katharine McPhee is on the cover and her body looks hot. I have an eye for retouching of photos and I know this one has. Both her stomach and legs have been "thinned" and it makes me wonder if her "work-out" will have me looking like her airbushed photo. Most likely not. I do want to add that she should lighten her eyebrows a bit. She looks like she's wearing a wig because her brows are so dark. It just looks too unbalanced. I was thinking that there is some room for me to improve my fitness regimen. Personally I like using the weightlifting machines more than I like all these resistance training toning exercises that I looked at in the mag and on the msn webpage today talking about 4 tips to bikini bod in 4 weeks. It was a bit misleading and not informative enough. Take a look if you like. I'm still going to eat candy.

I was frustrated by some girls I work with today. Sorry I felt like eating salad instead of the lunch special. For one, the chicken is always pink and now that they are no longer real chicken breasts, I no longer enjoy the taste of the "chicken breasts". Secondly I don't think a rack of ribs is a suitable lunch option. I'm surprised by the amount of people who like to eat dinner for lunch. Even when I go out to a restaurant, I rarely order the entrees. I'm more of a pasta or sandwich person myself. Even when I cook for myself, it's never pork chops, chicken breasts, steak or fish. It's a matter of preference. Ever since working at the Wholesale, my view on meat has changed. I've never been a huge meat eater. As a cashier scanning large containers filled with bleeding ground beef, bleeding rounds and bleeding other beef products and all the juices from pork and chicken have really turned me off from enjoying them. The less it looks like it came from an animal, the more I like it, e.g. cold-cuts and hamburgers. When it is just sitting their wrapped in the white styro and plastic wrap, it looks like what it is, a piece of flesh from a living thing. I can't help but feel guilty that I'm eating a life and how readily available these food items are. I have yet to see a shortage on meat products. I just don't want to know.

Someone I thought might be a friend some day has made me change my mind quickly. As much as I like them, I have officially decided that she's untrustworthy. Nothing is worse than my lost of trust in someone who I gave my trust in. There are a lot of girls who's vagina comes before their girlfriends. In some cases that's true. If only girls had mottos like bro's before ho's. I don't know if this is a saying yet, but it could be "sisters' before misters'." Feel free to use it. Yes it's dorky, but it's cute. I had originally typed out what I really felt, but then thought about how easily this blog could be found by this someone who I no longer trust. I said some things like lusty Christian virgins and the whole thing just made me look like some 18 year old. I'm better than that. I'm soon to be 24 and soon to be fully living on my own without roommates or financial assistance. It is unbecoming of a lady to speak so openly as I was about to do without any regard for the consequences. I've learned that lesson, but it was such a long time ago, I had forgotten it. I wouldn't want someone to talk about me in a blog like I was about to, so I won't, even though I really want to and did. Which is just as bad because the intent of the thought is there. How did Buddha resolve this issue? I'm sure even he struggled with it. I guess you really do have to adopt the attitude of "oh well" in order to have no intent of opinion or thought. Clearly, this may take a miracle for this to change about me. Good luck I say. I wonder if I can still reach Moksha as long as I behave appropriately to my darma. I think in the end my karma will get me. That's okay as long as I get to be a tree in a forest that never gets disturbed by human beings.

The line of room for my life to grow has been drawn, now that I'm becoming a young independent woman. Even though there is a line to grow into, there is the line in which I don't want to cross. To be even more metaphorical, that room above the line is for cream and I don't want to be that fatty cream.

Butter Tarts, German Club and Glamping

Number 1 superficial question I have now is: if I'm working out more, eating less bad food, how come I'm not getting thinner a.k.a toned? What the h? Not to mention, where is my package?Expected said delivery date was Monday and it was a holiday, and not a federal one, so where the heck is it? Canada from Ontario to the prairies has neither received a blizzard, snow squalls or freezing rain. Not to mention we are not experiencing a monsoon, a tornado, a hurricane or a flood. I can't figure out why it has yet to appear in my expecting hands. Canada Post, get to work already. I know the Olympics are on, but it has nothing to do with your working habits.

Speaking of Olympics and working habits, the last two nights I have been unable to diligently watch the figure skating competitions. I show up for work, I get the work done, I missed majority of the routines. Why do they have to be so cruel and schedule them during the times that I work??? According to D at work, I need a man because I was gushing about male figure skaters. Hello! A man's profession does not signify the manliness of a person. That's ridiculous. You can date meatheads all you want. Just because they're macho, doesn't mean they're manly.

Something else is bothering me, which I probably shouldn't blog about since it's none of my business, but I have a said friend named X to keep their identity especially secret whom is a model. Not a particularly tall one, but a well defined and good looking one. Apparently another said person named Y has a friend whom told him that they are gay. Don't gay people like hot girls??? I thought this was a standard, not a stereotype. Boy does X like not so attractive women, considering how good looking X is. Maybe it's a height thing. Maybe it's a closet thing. Either way, whether X is gay or straight, they should be more sexually attracted to good looking people. It makes me feel lousy about myself since I had once liked X and X had admitted feelings for me. I wonder if I'm also unattractive compared to X. That's preposterous. X was certainly straight when I liked X, so something must have happened when they left here. I can't believe how vague I'm being about this. How silly this sounds as if I'm in a epistemic philosophy class talking about so and so in hypothetical scenarios which are logically possible. X being gay equals attraction for homely people. That is definitely not a universal. I would use the symbolic logic symbols here, but I'm lazy. Maybe next time I blog, I'll do the work. It's not as if I have anything better to do.

So I'm working with a renaissance type co-worker who happens to do it all. M seems to think they're tall stories. I think on the other hand, that they're true, although how good they are at all these things is questionable. For one I can write. Example A: this blog and my other blog. Example B: I've had my comments published in National magazines before. Example C: I had a pretty decent grade average when I graduated university. How well of a writer I am, that is questionable. Secondly, I'm artistic. Art is anything really as long as it represents reality, which is in any case of Art, it's all achieved. How well the is representation is another matter entirely. I had this silly idea of staging an art show where I was going to to have the ultimate pure non-representational art exhibit by hanging blank canvases and either leaving the pieces untitled or named. I'm thinking that untitled would have been the more logical answer. And then I was going to have the opening reviewed documentary style and so on. Clearly it was silly, which I still think is funny and I still think it's a great idea. You heard it from me first. If this idea is stolen, it has been documented online that it is my idea, which will be dated by my post and the witnesses, if any who have read this blog. In this case, if this idea is used, I will sue you for stealing my idea. Good luck to you, if you think you can have it. Nuh uh. As a musician? I sing all the time. You know I also write songs too. Singing about my cat or how tired I am or something I'm excited about, is definitely music, therefore, I am also a musician. I also have a organ in the basement of which I can play the first 8 notes of White Christmas and possibly 26 notes of Bare Necessities. Simon Cowell, eat your heart out. I also am a photographer. I take some pretty snap shots once and awhile. I have this one I took almost two years ago now, and I really want to sell it and make royalties off it by selling it to Acrobat or Corel. Hell, it could even be a Microsoft background. That would bring in a fat paycheck for sure. Tall stories, I think not. What the real question is, how talented is this so aforementioned renaissance woman?

To bring this post to a close, I'd like to talk about M's preference for her butter tarts, the surprise of German Club and how much I did not like DSquared's Glamping which was not camping meets glamour, but trailer trash meets good design. Sorry Wellington Peach, I did not like the line. In fact I was disappointed by the whole thing. The only people I can think of who would actually pay for the Spring 2010 line would be all those people who buy Ed Hardy. Yup I said it. How they blended denim and plastic like that blew my mind. I'm thinking that the whole jean is denim and it has plastic overtop of it. Also that one plastic dress and how it draped was quite stunning. I'm sure it was made of pleather or PVC, which is NOT environmentally friendly. It releases toxins in the air just being PVC. I hope everyone else sticks to just plain denim and minimalism this season.

If you think I'm camping, forget about it. Even if I had the option of camping glamorously, I'd say no. Especially if I had to wear those heals. Practical? Heck no. Esthetically pleasing, heck no. Glamping, something thankfully that may never catch on, ever.

Everything Is Coming Up Millhouse

Basically this long weekend is nice. It's nice that I can sleep in one more day. It's nice that I can take my time doing everything. Usually I go to the gym on Sundays hoping I'll get at least 2 days in, although ideally I would like to get in 3 or more. It seems that I would rather spend the day in bed on my laptop for hours. I would also like to watch more movies during the week but I sleep through all of them. What would be really nice is if I could be less tired. I'm only 23. There must be some medical reason for my chronic tiredness. It just doesn't make sense. Maybe its the weather.

It's great that I have friends moving forward in life, even though I think we're all feeling stuck and trying to make the most of it. I'm seeing just how hard it is to get a job be it part-time or full-time right now. Why there is a surplus of commerce and engineering jobs, is beyond my understanding. I'm not regretting my academic choices, but I'm wishing that I would have been more interested in commerce, that way I would only be working one job and probably be making more than I am now working two. It is sad. I have decided to take an online course and test out the waters. I'm being more fickle about how I'm spending my time and what I'm spending my money on when it comes to education. Questions come up like "Can I do this here? Can I do this anywhere I want? Do I want to move? Do I like my choices of where to move? Are there any jobs? How many people will I be competing with? Is there a demand for this?" I never thought about these things when I went to University and now with the market, the recession and the lack of employment for younger people, I'm stuck with what I have, what I want, and how long do I have to wait for it. Typically, this wasn't an issue a couple years ago and now I'm getting slammed with it now. There have been many articles about this widespread trend. Although I do have a friend who has managed to find work, but she does have a Master's. Is that what I need and can I afford it right now? The answer is no I can't afford it. Although I'm sitting comfortably, I'm not sure I'm liking my current options as much as I would like. I made my decisions and now I have to live with them. What I need to work on is my current disappointment and accept things and be content with them. The task at hand is not easy or one I like. There's nothing that can be done about it. All I can do is prepare for when it gets better. Predicting what work there will be when it gets better is difficult to say. It is definitely not easy. I'm hoping my networking skills will land me some opportunity. I also think that right now I have the time to take on my artistic endeavors and maybe, just maybe I can cash in on them. How long does it take to write a book?

I have so many other things to say, but I'm stuck on this and I think I'll be stuck on it for awhile. Maybe next month the mood will be different, but right now I'm bitter, skeptic and deeply entrenched in my thoughts. I had no idea a year from now that it would be like this. I was optimistic and hopeful and buzzing with energy. Now I have none of those things and it's enough to make me depressed. I haven't reached that point yet. I have too much natural anger to keep me out of it. Thank God for it. No I'm not religious, but there aren't too many sayings that really capture the same tone.

Funny. I've forgotten Valentine's Day. Not really, but my avoidance of it has been successful. Once I get to Wednesday, everything should start to clear up. There's nothing better than getting through a bad month and moving on. Why does this month suck so much? Why isn't it going by faster? My V-day plans consist of later today pre-ordering New Moon with my best friend. A turkey dinner which seems odd to have today. I didn't pick it, my mother did, but it is a long weekend. And then I'm catching an early evening showing of a movie with a friend who's girlfriend is half way around the world from here. I'm sure she's having a better time than I am.

I think everything is coming up Millhouse. Finally he can wear his flood pants and not be embarrassed by them. Lemons into lemonade. Although once the flood passes, he will still have short pants that he will be embarrassed of having after. Trust me, I haven't bought my flood pants because they won't be useful after the flood. I think I'll let my pants get soaked too if my feet are already wet.

I'll Rub Your Fat Zones

You can tell where a headache is when it affects your vision. Like now as I write this, I have blurry vision in my left eye. I know that is where my headache is. I'd have to say that so far this week, it's been like a headache in my left eye.

For one, the amount of training at work is starting to get on my nerves. I just want to go to work and work with people who know what they're doing. You know why? Everything runs as smoothly as it can. There is still training this week and next week and it will probably take one more week after that before everything gets better. About the time that the training ends is about the time I move in. The days are long and the waiting feels longer. 18 more days. Ugh.

Someone I work with in the pool hall suggested that to get back at the Dots girls, I should go into their store and use their entrance to the hallway in the back so I can spend the least amount of time walking outside, even though walking outside is shorter. Considerably shorter. Apparently, we need to accommodate these whims since they were allowed in the beginning. I think I'm losing this one. I was going to do the suggestion, when I thought back to the smiley/frowny incident and I immediately wished I hadn't done it, so I'm thinking this will be the same thing. I will totally regret it right as I'm doing it and I don't like regretting things. Although about a month ago I found a frowny face from way back from the 1st of August and it made me laugh.

My soon to be future lover, who is yet to know this has not been present all this week and it makes me sad. And I want to ask where he is, but I don't want anyone to let on, which is entirely childish, but nonetheless I still won't ask, even though I really want to. So if perchance you somehow know my last name and read my blog, you should ask me out, because I would love to go on a date with you. How about this weekend? It's Valentine's Day. What about our anniversary being on that day? It's cliche, but at the moment, I think it's darling. I'm getting way ahead of myself here. I'm in that kind of mood.

Sadly, I'm still behind in Grey's, Private Practice and soon to be Vampire Diaries. There is just so much to do and movies I want to watch that are more important than TV. I can always catch up on TV because it's online. I look forward to the long weekend. A. I get to sleep in 3 days. B. I get paid to be at home and C. I can catch up on TV and maybe get another work-out day in. If only we had more long weekends.

Why I titled my blog as is, is because it's a lyric to a song I was listening to today. I was hoping "fat zones" meant lady humps and not lumpy lumps. Speaking of lyrics, I heard another great line yesterday along the lines of grabbing your butt and being like Tiger Woods and making a putt. It's possible this rapper personally knew Woods, or its coincidence or that they admire Woods' putting skills.

Please don't tell me your going to rub my fat zones, because the mood will change if you say it.

My Arms Are In The Air. I Can't Put Them Down Because I'm Awesome.

I've basically had nothing to blog about all week. Funny. I have done plenty of things, seen plenty enough to talk about, but tonight's event was worth blogging and blogging right when I got home.

So after working at the pool hall I went to M's and M's boyfriend's shooter party. I have to say that I was surprised that there wasn't anyone passed out or throwing up in the bathroom and that all her friends' were good looking and well dressed. I think her boyfriend was insulted that I thought all his friends were "boys", but I don't think he knows that I'm just about 24 and everyone else there was 19 turning 20. Which when it comes to guys, is a big difference. I'd have to say that I know guys my age that I wouldn't yet consider a man yet either. It's not insult, its a fact. I've been to university and graduated and did the bar and party scene when I was their age, so I feel like I've been there done that, and now I'm in a different stage in my life. It wasn't an insult, it's just a plain and obvious fact.

Now that I think of it, I've had a bunch of things I said this week get taken out of context. One work related, one work related, but not on a work subject and then tonight. Although the first two were extremely frustrating. Especially the second one. I really don't feel like going there because I'm over it enough that I don't want to talk about it. I've learned my lesson that you just can't tell certain people things. You think there's a vault and there isn't. I have serious trust issues. To the point that I call people spies. Although some people really are spies and my suspicions are correct.

I thought I would say more about the shooter party, but I'm not. Although this guy there said some very quotable and hilarious things. He rubbed me the wrong way in the beginning, but I've completely changed my mind about him. All I can think about is whether all 19/20 year old boys are all like this, or just these ones. I just can't remember. Although guys never really grow up or mature. My friend K is almost 40 and he says he finally feels like he's 30 years old now. But just 30, not almost 40. His life is a bit rough now, and I'm feeling kind of sorry for him. I was wondering why he was texting me three days in a row and now I know. And all I want to say is that its never going to happen. Don't dream on it because it's never going to change. I want to date an adult, not an adult boy.

I was thinking about how not awesome it would be if you never put your arms down. And then I made the mental connecting with the man who never laid down and always slept standing up for years. If he finally did lay down, he would die. I can't remember why, but I'm sure it can be searched online.

I was in a new area of the city tonight and I was blown away by the whole thing. For one, I didn't think the city was even developed on the side of the river. I just thought that after Attridge there wasn't anything. I then took some road that went to the psychiatric centre and then continued down the road which was leading nowhere. I then had horror thoughts that I was going to get attacked or pulled over. I then thought that when I was trying to turn around by doing a 3 point turn, that someone big and strong would push my car into the ditch that lead to the river and that I would die because no one would find me, because no one goes out there.

I'm totally tired and I'm sure all my thoughts are disconnected like some terrible essay I've wrote in the past. Although, it would pass as at least a 75 in high school, in university, it would fail if not be at exactly 50 percent, which is basically failing.

I'm awesome, but I'm going to put my arms down now.