The title of the post is based on a song that I partly influenced. It wasn't until this moment that I realized and have finally been freed from this song and so many others. It's feels fantastic amongst everything else I'm feeling. That person was me and is me, but I no longer have a connection to it personally other than that it is a memory. I've been waiting for this moment for years. Why I decided to blog about it is strange since no one knows the meaning of it.
There is this Maclean's article on a type of Jellyfish that never dies. When I read the article it made me think of the mythical animal the Phoneix and how it does the same thing. It grows from a baby to an adult and then once it has lived it's life it reverts to an early stage like it's infancy, therefore the creature never dies. It's the exact same living thing, but it is different too. That's exactly how I'm feeling about my connection to my past. I for so long wanted life to be like The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, where I wish I could erase someone from my memories. It's all based on perspective. I don't need to erase anything, I just needed to change my perspective. Because I let my past rule my now, I could never be freed from it. But now that I allowed myself to separate, I see the situation for what it is.
The specific perspective I'm thinking about is the Metaphysical sense of time, and more specifically Aristotle's perspective of time. That Time is always now and always will be the now. More formally called Presentism. There is no past or future, but only the present. There are obviously other views of Time that observe that there really is a past and future, althought those notions of Time are linear and are determined throughout Space and Time. All events and moments are fixed. It can be hard to think only of Now and not what has happened and what will happen. That's one of the few beautiful things about the human mind and our human capabilities to be able to think about abstract ideas such as the notion of Time. For me, the past is an impression of an event and a time that did occur, but no longer exists other than the impression that it left. Strange enough are photographs because they record past events. Thinking about this brings me back to a specific lecture in my Metaphysics class. No one can refute Presentism because it is so easy to defend. History exists only because we record it. If humans did not have the capability to transfer information both verbally and physically through text and pictures, what happened in the linear sense never really happened unless its been recorded. That's why Geology is so fascinating, because the way the Earth ebbs and flows is recorded in sediment. Obviously not any personal specific time or event, but Earth events. Sometimes my smallness of existence precedes me, but it contributes to a Geological event, just a collective one though. As much as J dislikes Avatar, this is one of the reasons why Avatar is so beautiful, because if the Earth could speak like the Tree of Life, than the Earth would be able to tell every personal event that the Earth collected. A streaming consciousness that transcends linear Time. That's why Presentism is so attractive. It transcends our Western sense of Time. I need to be here at this time and I need to do this at this time. It's really nice not knowing what I'm going to be doing all the time. What we call spontaneity, which is really being in the moment and the now and not stuck in every other time that does not exist or no longer exists. Do you have a headache yet?
My Western sense of time has been ruling my heart and head and now I remember why Buddhists are so happy because of their judgement. This brings us back to a previous discussion I posted that was about impermanence. Impermanence ties into everything. "You're so strong" I've heard people say this to me. It's not that I'm strong, it's my judgement of the situation. It's hard not to think about the past. My father made many impressions on me and it saddens me that he won't make any more. Just as much as I think the past doesn't exist, my impression exists and since it exists the moment I think about it, it exists now in the present. I see solace and comfort in that idea that he exists now because I'm thinking about him right now. In our linear sense he doesn't exist now, but in Presentism he exists now because he's a thought. A tangible thing. A neuorological and bilogical thing which is the greater part of the mind that remains a mystery to human knowledge. As much as I'm not religious, this mystery is undeniable and it's hard not have some sort of spirituality about the whole thing. That's why Eastern thought it so appealing to me. It's is not so much religious, but spiritual in the sense of everything and everyone being interconnected and the transference of energy. This pulsating energy that exists regardless of Science's ability to prove it both mathematically and empirically. The statement that so often gets quoted cogito ergo sum which gets trashed in philosophy because of it's undeniable amount of flaws, but it is inherent and not so obvious. Because I think of it, it is. It exists. It exists now and as long as I think it, it will awlays exist now.
I love Sundays. I do my best thinking on Sundays. I haven't had the personal time to reflect. To process the events that happened recently. I may not get to have anymore new impressions, but I have enough to last me a lifetime and that's what matters. That's what counts. The price we pay isn't a past ghost creating havoc on my now, the ghost is the impressions I have that I assert a negative emotion to. There are no ghosts and I don't need to categorize my impressions. I don't need to place blame for all the bad that has happened to me in the past 4 and a half years on these impressions because just as much bad that there was, there was twice if not more good happening. It's all been said and done and can't be changed. Those impressions affect my now, but they no longer rule my now because I don't need those impressions anymore. I have ones that mean so much more to me and I care more about holding those ones, than the ones that are holding me down. Holding me back.
It's nice not knowing what's going to happen next. It's uncertain, but uncertainty is a part of life. A part I can appreciate, even though I don't always like it.
Cheers.
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