Pantless Mannequins

so the last couple days have been a bit slower, which is nice, although the go go go is nice too.

Monday everyone else was working except me... I'll keep my feelings to myself. I stayed at the Villa all afternoon. I went for a trek from the top of the Villa towards the Croisette. I was almost there. but nothing was open, which is strange because the siesta is from 12-2pm, but it was after 2. So I was bored from not being able to find a cafe. I ended up getting blisters on my big toes from wearing my sandals that I've been wearing for the last 4 years. Odd.

By the time everyone made it back to the Villa, I had slept out of boredom, and since I was alone I sulked like a child, which made me grumpy. I did some shopping. It was great. We ate, it wasn't so great. We headed back to the Villa.

I went out to Cozy Box with T. I bought the most expensive highballs of my life. If guys are cheap in Saskatoon, they have yet to come to Europe. And those f***ers who don't tip. If they knew what people were paying out here, they would be a little less cheap. So no, I'm not missing a**holes from Saskatoon who think they're the s*** who treat you like s*** and don't tip. The best part was the "addition" on the bill, which was a thin slice of lemon was 3 eros. I'm sorry but that whole lemon may have cost a whole 3 euros. I'm not complaining, it's just the logic of the whole thing. It doesn't make sense. I had a lot of fun at Cozy Box. T and I made fun of this guy dancing. Oh em gee. I should have video taped him. It was hilarious. Even his friends were leaning away from him. It makes me think of Nicole S. from high school and when she used to say "would you be my friend if..." she did this or looked like that. I always told her I would not be her friend if she has no upper lip, if she had a physical disability and so on. I can't remember if I meant it or not. I bet I meant it. I learned to distinguish between a tosser, a c*** which is for men and a plonker. The DJ according to T was a c*** for his bad taste in music. His hair was also a topic of conversation. The DJ played Robbie Williams which made us leave the place.

We sauntered over to Rudie where E and R were eating pizza. They left for some giant yacht party for someone who works for Microsoft. We hung out with Rudie then went back to the Villa. I got a personal tour of Old Cannes. It was quite the view. I saw an old Church which was huge. I got to see the port and all the varying size boats. I learned a thing or two about Saudi princesses and the boat load of people that come with them. I got tired, so I came back to the Villa to sleep.

In the afternoon we took a look at the venue for the Blue Valentine party. The weather has been awesome, unlike last week when we went to the Hotel du Palais to Nikki Beach Sky Lounge on the fifth floor. While we grabbed a bite to eat, Ryan Gosling came up to do something or other. After Palais, we went shopping. In a sunglasses shop we saw Jennifer Hudson looking mega thin and tall with only one other guy who tried to distract people by carrying a big camera around his neck to divert being noticed. her disguise worked for her. I'd like to buy a whole bunch of souvenirs but limited to space and weight and I'm so not paying a 100 euro for my bag being over. I know the Canadian airlines would tell me to take stuff out and I'm definitely not leaving anything behind. We picked up some birthday cakes from Jean Pele with these delicious macarons and other expensive desserts and chocolates. Headed back to the Sky Lounge to drop off the cakes. Headed to some place for supper where I ate pizza for the umpteenth time. All I think about is all that starch and cheese. Which surprisingly has not given me a stomach ache. I think it's Saskatoon. Just like how nice my skin is now, unlike Saskatoon where my skin is awful. I think Saskatoon is generally bad for my health. I can't explain it. Is it because it's dry? Honestly. I wish I knew.

We came back to the Villa to take a bit of break before going back to the Blue Valentine party. We got there, the place was 3/4 done up. To bring the title in, J and I had to dress manequins in Belstaff clothing. It was bit of a task since we had to assemble them and then dress them. I'm so glad I don't work clothing retail. Its a real pain in the ass. We completed the task, but we couldn't find any pants for the two plastic gentleman, so we left than sans les pantalons. We made it downstairs to check people into the party which was a gong show. The Weinstein people were sort of nice, but have listening skills of 13 year olds. trying to explain the simplest method for making it work to the security and Y and J was honestly a pain. We finally had it all settled. Working the only door which was basically a hallway that leads to the only elevators that go to the 5th floor which is the roof top where the Sky Lounge is. Once we got a handle on the whole thing, it was easy. We watched the talent come in. Michelle Williams came in first. She was a whole lot taller than I expected her to be. She's super thin, elegant and something else. Her dress was beautiful. And then Ryan Gosling came after her. About 4o minutes into the party Rachel Bilson came in and I got to put a wristband on her. She's super cute, and tiny and really nice. At that point my night was made.

I stayed at the door for majority of the night. We had food brought down to us which people gladly helped themselves. This one git ate finished the whole plate- shamelessly. Loser. When I got upstairs all the talent had left. I mingled some. Then we took down the mannequins. Which had some pants on. Is what the hot spot for being hit on. Some guy younger than me told us we were killing men and that we should kill real men and take off real men's clothes. And then after that it was a handful of other guys hitting on us enjoying the spectacle of declothing the mannequins.

We left, got some pizza, which I did not eat. I don't know if I want to eat another pizza. And then I slept in until 1 pm because I was too lazy to get up and shower. Tonight though, I'm pretty excited to go to Le Baoli and see David Guetta spin.

After tonight, its going to get a whole lot slower and I'm hoping I can catch at least one film, but its looking doubtful.

I'm On a Boat

I think I last left off when I was bored at the Villa waiting for the Greygoose guys.

They finally showed up. Apparently they got lost because they're GPS was sending them to the other side of Cannes. I helped them bring up some 30 odd boxes up a flight of about 25 steps. It was sunny out and it was definitely my cardio for the day. Sans sweat. I tried hanging out with them, but they were just juicing lemons and limes by hand for about 4 hours. Boo.

When the girls finally made it, I had about 15 minutes to get ready to go work the WS2 shuttle. Basically we got to the Carlton, found out we had to wait about an hour and 15, then J and I ate at some Italian restaurant with some French Italian man kept calling us bambinos. The food was delicious. The procioutto is even better. In fact, I'm going to go as boldly as to say that it's the best I've had. Hands down. best cured ham I've ever had. At 8pm we made it back to the Calrton, got our list for the party, then headed for destination: shuttle. Although where they planned it to be and where the invite said were two different things. We finally found our security and waited impatiently for our buses which were late.

Surprisingly, people found us and got onto our buses. The magic ticket was a million dollar bill. Sadly, I didn't get one, they had to be ripped up so that no one else could use them to get into the party. We got some party crashers. Some French men whom didn't speak a lick of English. And then some Irish woman showed up saying that they had their tickets sent to them by phone. Which was basically them taking a picture of the invite telling them where to go. They weren't on the list and they didn't have a green million dollar bill. No entry. Although they said they were with the Belissis', but they never answered their phone and weren't on the list. We fought with them saying no for 20 minutes. That's a long time to beg to get into a party you're not supposed to be in.

The shuttle died and me and J got to go to the party. The nights are cold here, so I wasn't dressed for this party at all. In fact, I felt like a slob between the tuxes and gowns that everyone was wearing. Needless to say, I saw my share of actors. The leading cast of Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps was there. I didn't meet any of them, but I was working and I felt sadly underdressed. A little gossip for you SLB and CM were fighting the night before and at the after party, which sent him leaving the party quickly and in a huff. BTW he's hot. Super hot. I just looked at him wishing I could meet his good looking self. We had some champagne, then hit the dance floor. It wasn't really a dance floor, but we made it one. Us dancing changed the DJ's party music going. The DJ was Fabian and he plays on some Sirius station. The changing of the music and us (the people we were with) dancing ended up with a whole bunch of people dancing too. I spent the night on the dance floor dancing near the former VS model Karolina Kurkova. She's hot. She's tall. And she's always barefoot?

Then we left the party because it was shutting down. I left with a new group of people to go to V.I.P. Room. It was basically a giant grid set up in front of the place with about 150 people trying to get in. We waited in line, we couldn't get in. These two girls were fighting with this French dude with tattoos circling his neck. He looked like you shouldn't mess with him. He got so fed up with them that he just walked away. Good on him. Although the girls were critical of him for some odd reason. We walked up the street to catch our ride. I ended up seeing Omar Beson Millar walking down the street towards V.I.P. staggering like a drunk fool. We hopped into the bus, then a bunch of nobodies according to D jumped in which pissed her off, so we (Me, J and D) walked back to V.I.P. We got in. It was nothing special. The music was good. That's it. D told me this is what Eurotrash is and this is where they go. We got the rest of the people I was with earlier into V.I.P. and then left shortly after.

There are almost no places in Cannes that serve food late at all. We hit a pizza/resto/bar and ordered some pizza to take to the Villa. Cuba Gooding Jr. was behind us at a table at the same place. Everyone was leaving him alone, so I'm sure he enjoyed himself at the little place. The pizza was delicious. And then I went to bed.

Saturday was cold, windy and rainy, and J and I were working the door again, only I didn't bring a dressy jacket because I thought it would be a little nicer here. I ended up standing in a mini-skirt and tank top in the wind and rain for 3 hours letting people into this Weinstein party. Nonetheless, there were no celebs in the party at all. After the party we hit up some yacht, which I found out once we left was full of prostitutes. It's common for most the prostitutes to be Russian. I don't make the rules. So now I'm trying to find out what a prostitute looks like, especially european ones.

D and R were going to the Vanity Fair party, which was being held on the Hotel Du Capp's property, so J, I, T and E went to eat and have drinks at the lobby at the Capp and D and R were going to the party. The Hotel wasn't serving food, so we left to find something to eat. It ended up being some restaurant that wanted to shut down their kitchen, but we schmoozed them into making food for us. Surprise surprise, they made us pizza. And mine was the best. We also wanted some pomme de frites, which the waiter said no, but E kindly went to the kitchen and asked them to make us some. They made us a giant plate, and I mean giant plate of fries which were really good. We had T and E try to mimic our Canadian accents, which ended up with Tom for the last 3 days saying house, which sounded more Australian to me. We made jokes about the Discotheque beside the restaurant having a long line to get in. We then took pictures of us trying to get in. Everyone was under 5'5" and dressed like and looked like the cast of Jersey Shore.

We went back to the Hotel Du Capp, where the VF party was ending. We were just standing in the lobby, as the guests came into the lobby. I saw Martin Scorcese. He's better looking in person and he's maybe a whole 5' tall. The man is short. We also saw Steven Baldwin, who is also not tall order a drink for the bar. Didn't he go to rehab? Or was that a joke in a movie??? Again we saw Karolina Kurkova dressed ina beautiful black gown. Also not wearing any shoes. Cuba came in later who D actually knows, whom she introduced him to everyone except me. I felt a bit snubbed. The guys and me left for the Villa to catch some zzzz's.

Later on J and D came back to the Villa waking me up. J telling me that RP was at the party and came into the lobby and the whole room stopped as we waltzed in his his black pants, white shirt and black tie combo. My sister tells it better. That everyone saw the vampire enter and were transfixed by him as he came and went through the hotel. Tears. I moped all day yesterday about the whole thing.

To get to the title, we went to Monaco to see the Grand Prix from a yacht. Not just any yacht. yes I'm going to boast a bit, since I am, we were on Jenson Button's boat whom is a F1 driver. we had the best view of the race, since it was along side the track. He was racing, but he never finished the race. It was loud. And I mean loud. I had ear plugs in, couldn't hear a thing anyone was saying, but those damn cars were still really loud. After the race we hung out on the yacht. After that we staggered into Monaco by way of walking on the race track. We tried looking for some place to eat. No such luck. I did by my first souvenirs. Yay on me. We drove back to Cannes. Ate at Nikki Beach which according to Rudie our driver is a big deal. The set up a small bar down by the beach during the film festival and then pack up and leave. The food I ordered wasn't cooked. My chicken was pink on the outside. M it reminded me of Concourse, except the price they were selling this chicken was 4 times as much, just as crappily cooked, but it was real chicken. After that we dropped J, T and R at some yacht party and D, E and myself came back to the Villa to sleep.

And then I woke up. But the whole time on the yacht, all I wanted to do was sing this song, but I didn't because it was neither the time or place to bring it up. So in memory of me wanting to sing it, I've included it.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

S**t C**t

I'm actually pretty bored right now, so I'm focusing my impatient energy on some writing.

I've been left alone in this amazingly beautiful villa on an errand to wait for the Greygoose/Bacardi mixer to come over and make some drinks or something like that. I'm not too sure. I'm also waiting for some Vanity Fair rep to come by and drop some tickets off too. Although I'm not going to that party, but that's okay because I don't have clothes to wear to a VF party.

Europe is not what I had expected. Our flight from Montreal to London was okay. As a good sister I let my sister have the window seat. We were right by the toilets and I sat in the aisle seat which every cart and person ran into. Trying to sleep when people keep knocking into your headrest is definitely one of the most annoying things on a flight besides crying babies, people in your personal space, and people who talk to you when you don't want to spend the whole flight befriending the person next to you. It is our mission on the way back to not have seats by any wings or washrooms.

The Heathrow airport in London is overly minimalist. Terminal 5 is made of glass. As weird as I am, I was thinking this is the last place I want to be if there was a terrorist attack. All that glass. They have loads of terrorist attacks in London. I watch the news. By the time we got to a taxi we really only had an hour to spend in London, but the cab looked like the old ones... I took a picture of it. I'm a nerd. It took about an hour to drive from the airport to C-something market. It was cold. It was really cold. And it rained. It was awesome. It was basically a bunch of shops and some British pubs. My sister picked a place to eat, which was okay, I basically had a baked potato which was sliced 6 ways an opened like a flower with some toppings on it called a Jacket Potato. It was nothing special, but I made an effort to have a beer for brunch. What I wanted was a pint of ale, but my sister did not pick a place where I could have that. She's going to kill me. The cab we took on the way back gave us a mini tour of London in the places we were driving. He talked about some pub that Madonna owns or owned, the hospital all the celebrities go to for surgeries in Cromwell. I saw the place that Alfred Hitchcock lived in, but we were driving too fast for me to get a clear picture of it. I think I got a blurry picture. Who knows.

When we got back to the airport, we found out that we have to wait 40 minutes before our flight leaves to find out what gate it's in. Our flight was late, and we didn't get to our gate until 3pm and then our flight was delayed a half hour. They've set up the airport in a way that you have to walk around and shop which is smart, but I real pain in the ass when you just want to sit the hell down and wait to find out what your departure gate is.

By the time we got to Nice/Southern France, it was not what I expected. It has mountainous hills and there are peninsulas where there is always cloud cover. Yachts. Lots of yachts. I think of Sunday or Saturday, whenever the Grand Prix is in Monaco, which I'll be going, we're watching the Grand Prix in a yacht in Monaco. It's exciting. I really have no idea what to expect.

On Wednesday we came to the villa and got somewhat settled. We went to the Carlton, where Fox is stationed while they set up for the premiere of Wall Street 2, which is tonight. While I was there I saw Josh Brolin sitting on a sofa with his wife with her back turned to us who is Diane Lane. I didn't want to be a weirdo, but I couldn't help but take a look inconspicuously a few times. We made eye contact. It was awkward, because I felt like a voyeur. I have tried to keep my eyes to myself since. :D We then came back to the villa where we quickly got ready. Did I mention I took a shower back at 3 am on Tuesday Saskatoon time, and it was about 36 hours later without a shower. We went out for supper at the Piazza, we meaning my sister and I and Eric who we just got introduced to and had some flat pizza, which was delicious. We went to the Grand hotel, had a glass of Champagne, then came back to the villa.

Thursday I finally took a shower after 48 hours. It was glorious. The bathrooms in the villa have a toilet, a bid-ay, a sink and a shower. The whole room is tiled since the shower is open. The shower heads are all those mimic rainfall or something, but the drains don't drain so well so the entire bathroom floor gets soaked. It's annoying walking around with wet feet. We went back to the Carlton, then we went to Trazz-something or other which is a restaurant which is hosting a Weinstein party for Blue Valentine. I took pictures of the place. It's right on the Mediterranean. Nonetheless its got a view. Yesterday was extremely windy, I had my hair blowing all over the place. Then J and me got sent on an errand from the Grand hotel to search for some ties on the Croisette. They have a rest time between noon and 2 pm where places either shut down or stop serving food. We stopped by the Petit Majestic. My French is not so good. I said de l'eau, but they either didn't hear me or didn't understand me. How can you screw that up? Everything is bottled. It's either carbonated or "flat" which is strange to call water since it is naturally "flat". I'm going shopping next week and I don't think I have enough money to buy eveything I want to. I don't really need any new clothes, but who can deny a Zara, or Mango or this other place which I can't remember the name. I did fancy myself a gelato, which was amazing. We later were headed back to the Carlton, where we saw people herding down the narrow Croisette, camera flashes and people yelling and screaming. I was intrigued to who it was, only to find out that it was just Jean Claude Van Dam with on a scooter, with his body guard on foot (why he was on foot was weird since walking is so much slower than a vehicle). I was sure we would be trampled by the people and the pap, but luckily, we didn't. He's pretty short.

After a brief time at the Carlton, we waited for Rudie (our driver/everything man, who is AWESOME), but the traffic was backed up, so we walked to D's meeting and I waited to find Rudie to catch a ride back to the Villa. I ended up taking a nap, which was more like a sleep since I woke up some 6 hours later. Technically, you're not supposed to do that because it just furthers your jet lag. I don't feel like I have jet lag. I'm always tired and could use a nap every 2 hours if it was feasible. Then we got ready and went to Le Baoli, and had supper at 10pm. Their "dinner" music is a bunch of stuff I didn't think I would hear in France like 'torn' and Journey and everything else in between. The food was okay. The fish I had was flaky and moist and it had to have been the best fish I've had in a few years, so that must say something. I then ended up on the dance floor with Eric, while we danced to 70's style house music, where the house music was then introduced by some good looking guy with curly brown hair playing a bongo on a small platform. The dance floor finally filled up. We had some couple who Eric said the man was 65 and the woman was 75 bumping/rubbing up on us for a good 20 minutes. And then I pointed out the bodyguard on the dance floor whom was with 3 woman around the age of 45, and then we sat back down at our table. I ended up meeting some British guy who has a hand in the Twilight saga, and told me that he's doing the UK opening on July 1st. I'm happy to announce that I will get to watch the movie sooner than the Brits :). I don't think RP will be hear in Cannes, but I'm seriously hoping he will be. Even a glance would do it for me.

Currently I'm left alone in the Villa by myself waiting for these people. I would wait in the back sunroom, but you can't hear people buzzing at the gate since there is some gardener next door making a lot of noise.

The title is from a writer I met last night named Gren Wells. She's fabulous. She wrote a movie that is premiering in Cannes, and its her first, so we toasted it at Le Baoli. She had an awesome laugh. The movie is called Earthbound and it stars kate Hudson. Whoopi Goldberg is in it too. She Mrs. Gren Wells likes to swear and they let her keep a lot of the language in the script except the c-word which she doesn't mean in a derogatory way, but in an endearing way. S*** c*** is her favourite swear word. Mine is a** f*** or other variations of it like a** f***er which is a common word I use when I have road rage. I'm not sure where it came from, but I say it alone quite a bit, because I'm sure someone would be offended by it.

It's almost 5am in Saskatoon, I hope you start your Friday wonderfully, because I know the weather is nicer than here, by that i mean it's warmer in the prairies right now than here.

Have an excellent Friday.

Cheers.

Price You Pay

The title of the post is based on a song that I partly influenced. It wasn't until this moment that I realized and have finally been freed from this song and so many others. It's feels fantastic amongst everything else I'm feeling. That person was me and is me, but I no longer have a connection to it personally other than that it is a memory. I've been waiting for this moment for years. Why I decided to blog about it is strange since no one knows the meaning of it.

There is this Maclean's article on a type of Jellyfish that never dies. When I read the article it made me think of the mythical animal the Phoneix and how it does the same thing. It grows from a baby to an adult and then once it has lived it's life it reverts to an early stage like it's infancy, therefore the creature never dies. It's the exact same living thing, but it is different too. That's exactly how I'm feeling about my connection to my past. I for so long wanted life to be like The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, where I wish I could erase someone from my memories. It's all based on perspective. I don't need to erase anything, I just needed to change my perspective. Because I let my past rule my now, I could never be freed from it. But now that I allowed myself to separate, I see the situation for what it is.

The specific perspective I'm thinking about is the Metaphysical sense of time, and more specifically Aristotle's perspective of time. That Time is always now and always will be the now. More formally called Presentism. There is no past or future, but only the present. There are obviously other views of Time that observe that there really is a past and future, althought those notions of Time are linear and are determined throughout Space and Time. All events and moments are fixed. It can be hard to think only of Now and not what has happened and what will happen. That's one of the few beautiful things about the human mind and our human capabilities to be able to think about abstract ideas such as the notion of Time. For me, the past is an impression of an event and a time that did occur, but no longer exists other than the impression that it left. Strange enough are photographs because they record past events. Thinking about this brings me back to a specific lecture in my Metaphysics class. No one can refute Presentism because it is so easy to defend. History exists only because we record it. If humans did not have the capability to transfer information both verbally and physically through text and pictures, what happened in the linear sense never really happened unless its been recorded. That's why Geology is so fascinating, because the way the Earth ebbs and flows is recorded in sediment. Obviously not any personal specific time or event, but Earth events. Sometimes my smallness of existence precedes me, but it contributes to a Geological event, just a collective one though. As much as J dislikes Avatar, this is one of the reasons why Avatar is so beautiful, because if the Earth could speak like the Tree of Life, than the Earth would be able to tell every personal event that the Earth collected. A streaming consciousness that transcends linear Time. That's why Presentism is so attractive. It transcends our Western sense of Time. I need to be here at this time and I need to do this at this time. It's really nice not knowing what I'm going to be doing all the time. What we call spontaneity, which is really being in the moment and the now and not stuck in every other time that does not exist or no longer exists. Do you have a headache yet?

My Western sense of time has been ruling my heart and head and now I remember why Buddhists are so happy because of their judgement. This brings us back to a previous discussion I posted that was about impermanence. Impermanence ties into everything. "You're so strong" I've heard people say this to me. It's not that I'm strong, it's my judgement of the situation. It's hard not to think about the past. My father made many impressions on me and it saddens me that he won't make any more. Just as much as I think the past doesn't exist, my impression exists and since it exists the moment I think about it, it exists now in the present. I see solace and comfort in that idea that he exists now because I'm thinking about him right now. In our linear sense he doesn't exist now, but in Presentism he exists now because he's a thought. A tangible thing. A neuorological and bilogical thing which is the greater part of the mind that remains a mystery to human knowledge. As much as I'm not religious, this mystery is undeniable and it's hard not have some sort of spirituality about the whole thing. That's why Eastern thought it so appealing to me. It's is not so much religious, but spiritual in the sense of everything and everyone being interconnected and the transference of energy. This pulsating energy that exists regardless of Science's ability to prove it both mathematically and empirically. The statement that so often gets quoted cogito ergo sum which gets trashed in philosophy because of it's undeniable amount of flaws, but it is inherent and not so obvious. Because I think of it, it is. It exists. It exists now and as long as I think it, it will awlays exist now.

I love Sundays. I do my best thinking on Sundays. I haven't had the personal time to reflect. To process the events that happened recently. I may not get to have anymore new impressions, but I have enough to last me a lifetime and that's what matters. That's what counts. The price we pay isn't a past ghost creating havoc on my now, the ghost is the impressions I have that I assert a negative emotion to. There are no ghosts and I don't need to categorize my impressions. I don't need to place blame for all the bad that has happened to me in the past 4 and a half years on these impressions because just as much bad that there was, there was twice if not more good happening. It's all been said and done and can't be changed. Those impressions affect my now, but they no longer rule my now because I don't need those impressions anymore. I have ones that mean so much more to me and I care more about holding those ones, than the ones that are holding me down. Holding me back.

It's nice not knowing what's going to happen next. It's uncertain, but uncertainty is a part of life. A part I can appreciate, even though I don't always like it.

Cheers.

The Lion King

It's been hard the last 10 days. I was unsure about wanting to do anything for my birthday. Yesterday was difficult, but supper and the plate breaking on the way out turned my view around on the whole thing and I'm glad I went out last night. I'm grateful for everyone who came up and all the birthday wishes and my family. Special thanks to J for coming out. I didn't mean to cry when you left, but I always do.

Who knew how therapeutic dancing was. I don't mean dancing alone in your room listening to your music, but actually dancing body to body on a dance floor with everyone else.

I danced for two hours straight except for that one pee break and then I hit the floor again. I thought it would be a Concourse-free night, but I saw venti tea guy with the bright shirts wearing a patterned wind breaker/rain coat and all I thought was that he looked like a raver and that he probably does X on the weekends. Random, I know, but that's totally how I felt about him. The most random thing that has ever happened to me on a dance floor is that person who unhooked my bra. I didn't feel it, it took me a half hour to notice. It wasn't until I went pee that I noticed that it wasn't that my bra straps were adjusted while dancing, it was that someone tried to take my bra off. Strange I know. I wasn't dancing with any guy. Why someone would do that it is retarded.

Today I feel like using names. Foreign exchange student a.k.a. David Thomson, WTF happened to you? I saw your ass in a movie theatre about a year and a half ago with D and you looked normal. Who on Earth told you to grow out your hair like a Sheepdog and grow a mustache? Are your replacing one of the band members? If that's the case, you fit the part. Why would you do that to yourself? I had the hugest crush on you when I was 17 and you were in grade 9. You went from you're still good looking, but I don't have a crush on you, to you used to be gorgeous, now you look rank ugly and what a sad shame. Drugs. I blame it on the drugs. Now your dark circles you've had for 6 years fit your 70's plaid shirt, hair and mustache combo.

The Team Canada DJ's played everything under the sun from 2000 Dr. Dre to trance and crazy enough, The Lion King. I never thought that it would ever make it to a set, but it did and I loved it. I thought it was perfect. I've been recently thinking about the movie for the past month and how I wish I owned it on DVD because I've been hankering to see it again, because it my favourite Disney movie of all time. It most likely will always be my favourite. I think the song was perfect for my whole life situation. They only played the intro to 'The Circle of Life', but it was the version from the movie and not the one that Elton John sung. I've decided everyone else needs to hear it.

It's the circle of life/And it moves us all/ Through despair and Hope/ Through faith and love/ Till we find out place/ On the path unwinding/In the circle/The circle of life

Untitled

For anyone who knows me, it's been a long and hard week. I'm finding it almost impossible to grieve like a normal person. I don't mean this in an insensitive way, but what a pain in the ass it is to suddenly not exist and all the paperwork left behind and the people to contact and tying lose ends you never thought of until the moment you have to think of them. Not to mention the amount of phone calls coming all the time. The support is wonderful. I'd like to thank everyone who has offered to be there for me and for a talk. When I'm ready to talk, when I need help or a friend to lean on, I know who to come to. I'll ask for it when I need it.

The source to my killer allergies are from all the flowers in the house downstairs. They're all so beautiful and physically making me miserable. I've cheated on paleo now since Tuesday. Strange about the whole thing is my whole body and tastebud's reaction to actual food and the lack of appetite for anything healthy other than candy, cake and chips. I can't imagine this is any good for me.

On the flip side, the villa I'm staying at in France is gorgeous. It has 5 bedrooms, 5 bathes, an ocean view, verandas, a sauna and a swimming pool, not to mention the white marble countertops in the kicthen. I won't believe it until I see it. And just like I recently told my Dad, I won't be excited until I land and I see that it's real. I think I'm feeling the same way about him too right now.

It's my Birthday next week, but I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing. I wasn't going to go until Miss. J made a facebook event of the thing and now I feel obligated to go my own Birthday party. If you know me and I haven't sent you the invite and you're not someone I hate and don't want to see again in my life, you're welcome to join. I'm not sure I'll be a lot of fun that night. In fact, I'm sure you might have to watch out for me. It could be a dangerous night for me and I would like everyone to be my conscience and make sure I don't do anything I'll regret or have a moral conscience about the next day.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend. The weather could be warmer. I could use just a little more warmth these days.

Inspiration coming from the strangest places ie. Comic Sans MS font

It's been awhile. I think 1:30 pm is my prime for amazing thoughts that I'd like to write down, but I'm at work and get pulled out of my reverie because people need something almost every 90 seconds. I think adults are like babies. Eating, sleeping and pooping. I think adults do less sleeping and turn to caffeine, so they just happen to be grumpier once they get off their high and need a reboot which is a nap, but ignore it because society tells us we need to work work work. Back to the point.

This evening I witnessed the most hideous wedding invitation I have ever laid eyes on. I found out that there are worse examples that I have yet to witness. If this is the case, I don't think my sanity or my eyeballs could take the strain. I can only imagine what the couple looks like... gah! Funny that I'm talking weddings since I just so happened to be on the same topic yesterday. I had said if a wedding costs 10,000 then its too much and could be spent elsewhere. I was then told that 10,000 is a minimum. Honestly what a waste. What really gets me is the stuff is only used once. After that it ends up who knows where. Really who wants to reuse the same table clothes they used at their wedding? I'm sure people coordinate their house to the wedding... nooooot!

As judgmental as I am about to be about this couple, who coincidentally the groom happened to be a guy I went to elementary school with. The positive spin out of my judging is the clear perspective of how I don't want my life to end up. I'm sure the less than modest life is fulfilling for some people, but I do not want to be struggling my whole life because I made hasty decisions. I definitely don't want to be doing what I'm doing a year from now. It's only encouraging me to figure out what the next step is now because the wedding invite said everything that I don't want or want to end up like. It's not so much me insulting them, but using them as a reference in the back of mind nigling me not to be anything like that. I'm trying here. It's not working. I'm seriously being mean and I'm not feeling guilty about it. If you saw the invite, it would make you think about everything. Who knew that something like a piece of swirly embossed egg shell blue paper with a fabric ribbon around would invoke such life altering thoughts? I have to say, it's some powerful stuff. They should show these to high school students and be like "this isn't want you want, but if you don't go to school and pursue more challenging and fulfilling endeavors, this will be you. Go to class, get good grades and further your education, because some day, this may be your wedding invitation."

I started this post last night, but I was falling asleep so I decided to finish it in the morning and I can't remember where else this post was going to go. This is exactly why I never blog because once the thoughts pass, majority of them slip away or I can no longer articulate them the way I had said them in my head. I definitely don't want to be one of those adult babies who always need to be consuming things. I just want to tell them that they don't need it. They really don't. And if these people were smart they would pack a lunch or a snack. I just think about how much money these people are wasting. You must have better things to spend your money on. I think they're all in debt even though they make more money than I do. The more money you make, the less you actually have? Nah. That can't be. It must be people who have no idea how to practice 40% frugality. I'm always thinking about a conversation I had with this master's student about needing and wanting. It was actually about food, but it can be applied to almost any material situation. If I had the energy I would make it a graph. The list of whether it's a need or not.

Something came to mind about the week. I'm at that point where I'm sick of having the same conversation with people every day. Please don't tell me what you want until you know every precise detail. I think I say "what size" 30 times a day. That's 150 times a week. I've said that at least 3600 times since I started working there. Trust me, I am so tired of this conversation. Just like saying "regular". What the eff is regular? Honestly. There is no such thing as regular, just like there is no such thing as normal. It's retarded. Regular is not a type or a size. It's actually a universal and you cannot refer to a universal, when asking for a material existing object. Universals exist outside of the material. Stop referencing the universal of regular coffee. THERE IS NO SUCH THING. I really want to tell every person who's being a moron that they are a moron. If it wasn't for all these social rules and common courtesies, I would be saying it all the time. I would also get sick of that conversation, because I'm sure I would say it 30 times a day.

This thought is exhausting and I'm sure I'll continue it some other time. I would gladly pick it up again. At the moment, it's irritating me. This is exactly why I sometimes want to take a break from my thoughts, because my thinking about how stupid people are, makes me irritated.

Good morning to you. A good tip, when picking a wedding invitation, stick to neutrals and light colours, use the same font and please please please do not use Comic Sans MS font for you invitation. We're all adults. This isn't a grade 4 poster project, it's a wedding invite. Honestly, who will take you seriously if you create such an eyesore?