Untitled

For anyone who knows me, it's been a long and hard week. I'm finding it almost impossible to grieve like a normal person. I don't mean this in an insensitive way, but what a pain in the ass it is to suddenly not exist and all the paperwork left behind and the people to contact and tying lose ends you never thought of until the moment you have to think of them. Not to mention the amount of phone calls coming all the time. The support is wonderful. I'd like to thank everyone who has offered to be there for me and for a talk. When I'm ready to talk, when I need help or a friend to lean on, I know who to come to. I'll ask for it when I need it.

The source to my killer allergies are from all the flowers in the house downstairs. They're all so beautiful and physically making me miserable. I've cheated on paleo now since Tuesday. Strange about the whole thing is my whole body and tastebud's reaction to actual food and the lack of appetite for anything healthy other than candy, cake and chips. I can't imagine this is any good for me.

On the flip side, the villa I'm staying at in France is gorgeous. It has 5 bedrooms, 5 bathes, an ocean view, verandas, a sauna and a swimming pool, not to mention the white marble countertops in the kicthen. I won't believe it until I see it. And just like I recently told my Dad, I won't be excited until I land and I see that it's real. I think I'm feeling the same way about him too right now.

It's my Birthday next week, but I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing. I wasn't going to go until Miss. J made a facebook event of the thing and now I feel obligated to go my own Birthday party. If you know me and I haven't sent you the invite and you're not someone I hate and don't want to see again in my life, you're welcome to join. I'm not sure I'll be a lot of fun that night. In fact, I'm sure you might have to watch out for me. It could be a dangerous night for me and I would like everyone to be my conscience and make sure I don't do anything I'll regret or have a moral conscience about the next day.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend. The weather could be warmer. I could use just a little more warmth these days.

Inspiration coming from the strangest places ie. Comic Sans MS font

It's been awhile. I think 1:30 pm is my prime for amazing thoughts that I'd like to write down, but I'm at work and get pulled out of my reverie because people need something almost every 90 seconds. I think adults are like babies. Eating, sleeping and pooping. I think adults do less sleeping and turn to caffeine, so they just happen to be grumpier once they get off their high and need a reboot which is a nap, but ignore it because society tells us we need to work work work. Back to the point.

This evening I witnessed the most hideous wedding invitation I have ever laid eyes on. I found out that there are worse examples that I have yet to witness. If this is the case, I don't think my sanity or my eyeballs could take the strain. I can only imagine what the couple looks like... gah! Funny that I'm talking weddings since I just so happened to be on the same topic yesterday. I had said if a wedding costs 10,000 then its too much and could be spent elsewhere. I was then told that 10,000 is a minimum. Honestly what a waste. What really gets me is the stuff is only used once. After that it ends up who knows where. Really who wants to reuse the same table clothes they used at their wedding? I'm sure people coordinate their house to the wedding... nooooot!

As judgmental as I am about to be about this couple, who coincidentally the groom happened to be a guy I went to elementary school with. The positive spin out of my judging is the clear perspective of how I don't want my life to end up. I'm sure the less than modest life is fulfilling for some people, but I do not want to be struggling my whole life because I made hasty decisions. I definitely don't want to be doing what I'm doing a year from now. It's only encouraging me to figure out what the next step is now because the wedding invite said everything that I don't want or want to end up like. It's not so much me insulting them, but using them as a reference in the back of mind nigling me not to be anything like that. I'm trying here. It's not working. I'm seriously being mean and I'm not feeling guilty about it. If you saw the invite, it would make you think about everything. Who knew that something like a piece of swirly embossed egg shell blue paper with a fabric ribbon around would invoke such life altering thoughts? I have to say, it's some powerful stuff. They should show these to high school students and be like "this isn't want you want, but if you don't go to school and pursue more challenging and fulfilling endeavors, this will be you. Go to class, get good grades and further your education, because some day, this may be your wedding invitation."

I started this post last night, but I was falling asleep so I decided to finish it in the morning and I can't remember where else this post was going to go. This is exactly why I never blog because once the thoughts pass, majority of them slip away or I can no longer articulate them the way I had said them in my head. I definitely don't want to be one of those adult babies who always need to be consuming things. I just want to tell them that they don't need it. They really don't. And if these people were smart they would pack a lunch or a snack. I just think about how much money these people are wasting. You must have better things to spend your money on. I think they're all in debt even though they make more money than I do. The more money you make, the less you actually have? Nah. That can't be. It must be people who have no idea how to practice 40% frugality. I'm always thinking about a conversation I had with this master's student about needing and wanting. It was actually about food, but it can be applied to almost any material situation. If I had the energy I would make it a graph. The list of whether it's a need or not.

Something came to mind about the week. I'm at that point where I'm sick of having the same conversation with people every day. Please don't tell me what you want until you know every precise detail. I think I say "what size" 30 times a day. That's 150 times a week. I've said that at least 3600 times since I started working there. Trust me, I am so tired of this conversation. Just like saying "regular". What the eff is regular? Honestly. There is no such thing as regular, just like there is no such thing as normal. It's retarded. Regular is not a type or a size. It's actually a universal and you cannot refer to a universal, when asking for a material existing object. Universals exist outside of the material. Stop referencing the universal of regular coffee. THERE IS NO SUCH THING. I really want to tell every person who's being a moron that they are a moron. If it wasn't for all these social rules and common courtesies, I would be saying it all the time. I would also get sick of that conversation, because I'm sure I would say it 30 times a day.

This thought is exhausting and I'm sure I'll continue it some other time. I would gladly pick it up again. At the moment, it's irritating me. This is exactly why I sometimes want to take a break from my thoughts, because my thinking about how stupid people are, makes me irritated.

Good morning to you. A good tip, when picking a wedding invitation, stick to neutrals and light colours, use the same font and please please please do not use Comic Sans MS font for you invitation. We're all adults. This isn't a grade 4 poster project, it's a wedding invite. Honestly, who will take you seriously if you create such an eyesore?

"...This might sound strange to you... I'm in love with the DJ."

Catching up on M's blog made me want to write a short one. I should be going to sleep since I have a very long day ahead of me and I have to get up earlier than usual. I'm headed to Winnipeg for Easter and I'm thinking it's going to be a great and exhausting time, but I think it might be just a little to Greek for me. I've managed to finally have a place to myself for the month and now it will be me and 5 other adults, a baby and two dogs. Yikes.

I was sure I was going to be a snap show by the end of my working day. Surprisingly enough, everyone seemed to get nicer after 2:30 p.m. I guess my fantasizing about pushing carafes of hot coffee off the counter onto the customer who set me over the edge isn't going to happen. I also fantasized about how I'd like to throw cannelloni's off of the balcony and watch someone else clean up the mess. Sadly, that also never happened. A girl can only dream of doing watch she actually feels like doing.

The week started off kind of lousy since my self respect dropped dangerously low as I moped about some stupid choices. I'm no longer feeling as awful about it, but I wish I could erase the memory. It's the honest truth. What's up with all the jerk-off customers? Especially male customers? Are they all temporarily experiencing estrogen and the full moon so that they have whinier vaginas than us women? I'm going to have to say that I think this is a true phenomena. I just want to tell these wealthy men that if you hate your job, just quit already. You're making me miserable. I don't get paid for you to make me angry and miserable. I get paid to serve you. Service does not equal your personal therapy of insulting and complaining like a donkey being beaten with a stick. You're all grown up. Act like one already. I think children behave better than this. At least they're honest and do what they feel. Just slap that guy who's pissing you off at work. I would love to see you get fired and get dragged out by security only to tweet and gossip about it later for my own personal enjoyment.

You know what movie I watched tonight which was a total disappointment? Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. Even the 3D couldn't save the story. I realize it's Burton and who's going to refuse him money, but someone ought to on this one. It was lacking in so many places. I did probably sleep through at least 20 minutes of it, so, it's possible that I would have liked it 20% more, but I highly doubt it.

Did I mention my 4 day weekend? I just got a basket full of chocolate which I'm leaving here so as I do not eat it. I'm going to do Paleo until I look like what I want and dress up in micro-minis because this year will be the year that I will make it happen. M reminded me tonight that I'll be meeting RP and I want to be wearing that floral H&M dress when I meet him being all tall and waif-like as I flirt up a storm and sweep him off his feet. Not really. How I'm going to do Paleo when I have a sister who doesn't eat vegetables and fruit, is going to be challenging. I guess I'm going to spend the weekend consuming alcohol and not much else. Expect me to be sicker than sick when you see me next week.

Lastly, I'm not sure why I quoted an R. Kelly song, but I did because it's playing in my head. I also look forward to my Easter egg/candy hunt with the girls tomorrow and randomly placing cadbury creme eggs for customers to find and take. Tee hee. The thought makes me smile. Time to fall asleep and let the gong show begin.

P.s. YP would you please be at work tomorrow. It's all I ask of you. It's a long weekend. It's the least you could do. Honestly, you're just soooo selfish. I'm sure you have something more important going on in your life. Don't show up on my account. That would be rediculous...

Thursday, eat your heart out.

Adult Students

I don't have much time for a post between jobs, but it was better to do it now than at 11:00 when the whole thing has settled. Apparently its better to go to school -university- as an adult. According to this person, you have life knowledge blah blah blah. Well in my opinion that's wrong. That is unbelievably wrong. For one adult students hold their opinions strongly and will fight to the death with a professor about this. Not to mention the amount of class time they waste arguing about something irrelevant to course material. Young students are young and impressionable. They haven't formed all their opinions yet. It's a good time to teach them to be open and to be critical thinker. Adult students without prior university classroom experience and education aren't open. Here's what I heard today "I agree to disagree." You know what? That's what you say to some ignorant or irrational schmuck because they have no ability to listen to other people's arguments. I on the other hand am willing to be open to other people's opinions. Not necessarily is what I believe purely correct. And if you have substantial evidence or an argument that can't be broken down semantically or logically, then I'm open to changing my mind. There is nothing more closed minded than saying "I agree to disagree" when someone is actually engaging in something intellectual. Don't start a discussion with me if you go in thinking you're right and leave midway so that you aren't proved wrong. That is ignorant in itself.

Second thing pissing me off is don't tell me formal and life experience philosophy are the same thing. You're kidding right? Don't even go there with me. I'm not going to even start. And you know what? Being 4 years older than me doesn't make you smarter than me. It definitely doesn't mean that if we have similar knowledge in something, that you know more about it than I do. Life experience and age doesn't equal intelligence. I can respect other's opinions and accept them, but if you read it in an article and I took 3 university classes on it, I win hands down because my foundation of knowledge on the subject supersedes yours.

Adult students: get off your high horse. Adult students are more annoying than people who think they know everything. If you already know everything, why are you in university? Stop wasting everyone else's time and money. Age doesn't mean you can undermine other people's intelligence.

"Ecripse! Ecripse!"

I haven't written in just about three weeks and this is my first post for the month. I've gotten into my new routine and have fallen out of old habits and have neglected the internet. The new things I love: PVR, not having to work around other people when getting ready in the morning and the ability to lounge on the couch whenever I feel like it and take a nap. Things I'm so not loving: ants, Lucy wanting to leave the apartment, the noisy tenant above me and the fact that I no longer have a dishwasher.

So much has happened I don't know where to begin. I'll start with today and work backwards. Just got home from watching Repo Men. It's better than I had expected, less gorey than I imagined and a better story line than I thought it would be. Down fall, the supporting actress is so not hot and she was also the love interest and supporting actress in Daybreakers. Who is she and where did she come from and why is she in everything all of a sudden? The most important thing I want to mention about the movie is that Jude Law is a sexy sexy super sexy beast. I think he should do more action movies because they make him so manly and not the flakey guy that he probably is like in Alfie or Closer. A man as good looking as him, how could he stay monogamous? He should spread his hot genetics so there are more men who look just like him. He should share the love. Downfall of his looks in the movie was the Brooklyn track pants and jacket they put him in. He looked greas-ie dressed like a home slice with stripes on his pants.

Blockbuster in Boychuk is lame. There I said it. In fact. This is most likely the last time I go there for myself. They can suck it. Tomorrow, I'm going to say they can suck it a whole lot more eloquently, but I'm sure going to give them a hard time.

Since I'm not going to recap three weeks worth of my life, I'm going to note something I heard on CBC this evening on the news. As I'm sure you'll all aware of this, but most Canadians will not have saved enough money to live comfortably when they hit the age of 65. The part that killed me was what they considered a "standard" of living. Wait for it... wait... I'm living comfortably by Canadian standards when I can go to Cancun yearly. Really? We're all striving to save enough money so that we can go to Cancun every year for twenty years when we hit 65? F*** you. Just stop talking. Stop thinking. If that's our goal I might as well stop trying to achieve the standard of living because the last place I want to go to for two decades yearly is Mexico. That's some standard. Some s*** a** comment and standard. This is what we have come to. You have to have two cars, two car garage, two children, make 100,000 a year and travel to Mexico every year. How generic. I think I have lost faith. That's a lie, but I'm sure getting there.

One last note, I didn't get a chance to pick up my NM copy, but I will tomorrow or Sunday and while I'm whining to the even bigger whiners down in the boonies, I'm going to think of Peter Chao. Forget you A. He's funny and you not all that sophisticated and classy, so get off your high horse. "To each his own" bullshit, but then you dog on people who use stereotypes and act derogatory. Right there you're breaking the first rule of relativism "to each his own". Suck it. Suck your contradicting philosophy and the shit you spew out, because it is bullshit. I don't have time to argue with people who say "to each his own". I'm going to lump you up with everyone else now. It's a big lump and you just made it bigger.

CP outside mother-trucker.

I Heard You Say, "Hey, Hey!"

So I finally watched the video that Wellington posted. I liked the song so much I felt like sharing it too. It's not the same version, but it's the only one I could find. It's not much different than the promo video. Now all I want to do is be sitting in a dark lounge listening to music that makes me want to move and drink champagne cocktails. It's too bad that there isn't any really in the city, because I think it would be home. Although lately I haven't been in the social mood. Maybe next weekend.

I wasted this weekend like I did last weekend. I spent the day at Costco and the new Walmart. For one, I can't shop when it is super busy and full of people looking at things I am or coming over to look at the same things. I'm crowd claustrophobic. I don't like people touching or bumping into me. The new Walmart which is a supercentre is OMG, just like the one in Shallotte, NC. I briefly felt like it was summer and I would be hitting the beach soon and taking a dip in the ocean. Sadly, the feeling faded when I realized I was still home and no where near the ocean or warm temperatures. I wonder if the supercentres are all unified in their layouts or it just happened that this one was the same as Shallotte's. The only pieces that I really need are nightstands and a toilet brush. Talk about efficient. And then obviously I need to stock my place with groceries. But that's next weekend.

I'm totally loving Grooveshark. I wish that Apple products like ipods and such would be compatible with flashplayer. I could make these awesome playlists which I can stream from the internet when I dock my ipod, but lamely, Apple has decided to make flash an impossible. Although I read online that Grooveshark and Apple are working on an app. That would be awesome!!! It would save me money from not downloading music and also I would have the perfect mix of what I'm feeling because it's really hard finding an internet radio station that plays exactly what I'm feeling.

I don't have too many spaces in my room that I have things stored. I spent Thursday night packing boxes with all my books which is like 3 and a half boxes, which I think is impressive since it didn't look like that many books were sitting on my shelves. I then proceeded to look at my tiny little cabinets only to find that majority of the stuff I was keeping was actually junk. I'm a hoarder of little things. I ended up filling one giant garbage bag full of nothing really. The bag was considerably heavy. It ended up being hilarious because my Mom was looking at me like I was crazy, which made me laugh, and then I was sure I would drop the bag down the stairs. Needless to say, I made it outside to the garbage can. The only thing I haven't packed yet is mY clothes and I really don't feel like it. I can just take them on their hangers right??? It's possible that I might just do that. What's the point of taking them off and then folding them and then rehanging them. Essentially I'm saving time. There was this garment rack at Jysk, but I think it would be useless since I don't own a van. Ugh.

So Wellington (and K?) bought me a duvet and duvet cover for me for Christmas. Obviously I'm going to use it. There just happens to be one spot where the embroidery has unravelled that I'm going to mend after blogging, but Lucy, keeps trying to sit on the damn thing and each time I scold her for trying to sit on it, she gets frustrated and angry. It's like, you don't need to sit on it. It's not like it is on my entire bed. By next weekend she'll be lounging on it, so what the heck?

I don't have nor have I arranged for internet/cable/phone to be installed yet in my place, so I'm not sure when I'll be blogging again. I really just want to take some pictures of it before and after and post them, but I don't think it's wise, so I'm just going to e-mail them to my sister.

Have a good week. I know I will have an exciting, stressful and exhausting week ahead of me. Tomorrow is the first and I get possession of the place. It's basically all about being handed the keys. Just like when you buy a car and they hand you the keys. It's all about the keys.

An Untitled Blog Leads to an Untitled Week

It's been a nice quiet Sunday for me. I haven't decided what I want to do with my movie review blog. I have seen at least 15 new movies this month and I just don't feel like talking about movies that don't move me. I only watched one movie worth talking about. I watched a matinee of Shutter Island yesterday. I really loved it. I thought it was classic sane meets insane Scorcese and his new modern twist on movies. His craft has really evolved. Taxi is similar to the stuff he's doing now, but the whole cinematography, director of photography and direction of acting has really been fine tuned. Maybe it is his age or the times, but I'd have to say since Gangs of New York, his work has been amazing every time. This is the stuff I like blogging about when it comes to movies, but you know I also watched Nia Vardalos' movie I Hate Valentine's Day, which I enjoyed, but I didn't want to talk about how cheesy it was in some parts. The writing was no where near as good as My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I only want to blog about movies that moved me. I watched Youth In Revolt and I loved it. It inspired me to create an alter ego for writing purposes, but finding the time to work on it for a writing project has been a bit difficult because I work so much and sane people need to socialize once and awhile. Although the movie inspired me, it wasn't something I wanted to blog on. I might just blog about the movies that move me in here, and make some kind of strange blend. I don't think I like esthetics of it. I don't think Shutter Island is for everyone. It's not what I expected. The preview was misleading, but I liked that about the movie. For people who like to see exactly what the preview is, I could see the disappointment for them. The music was overdramatic such as in the beginning. I was thinking 'Are you trying to cause angst in me? Because honestly nothing eerie is happening right now.' It was a bit early to be making a mood. To the point, it was a fantastic movie and I love the actor that DiCaprio is becoming.

To continue the flow, I got into Taking the Stage, which you can catch on MTV.ca's website. There's a lot of high school drama and the kind of things young people say when it comes to relationships. For one, if I were these art students, I think the last thing I would care about is talking about my crush and trash talking other girls. In a few years when they look back at the show, they might regret some of the things they said. I loved the first season, but it had more focus on their future dreams and careers and the new season is entirely focused on attraction. It almost feels like MTV made an Art Performance School Matchmaker show they threw all together to entertain people. It is the beginning of the school year and I'm sure as the months progress, so will their attentions on their goals and dreams and less about the boys and girls they think are hot and want to date. It's different to see it in a movie, but to see real people falling in love and having private moments in front of a camera, I feel like a voyeur on their teens lives and feelings they're having for the first time. Not all private moments are for sharing. If things don't work out, I don't think I would want my emotions documented publicly. It's weird.

This is my last Sunday that I'm going to have like this where I am now. I'm sure I'll have the same kind of Sundays, but I won't have any more like this where I am, and the fact that I cancelled on a friend to milk what's left of what I'm used to. I feel like I'm breaking up with my home. We'll be friends, but we won't be intimate anymore. It will be a memory. I started thinking about all my attachments. Sometimes you know its time to leave, but not just yet, so it's okay to linger awhile longer, and sometimes it is time to leave and staying is only hurting. Attachments always remind me of Eastern philosophy and Stoicism. Everything is impermanent, so we must change our judgements of things. There was an essay question about Alexander influencing the East, but I never had an interest in the question. If I were given the question again, I would have the answer. Stoicism is very similar to Buddhism, Jainism and Hinduism in some ways. It's all about impermanence and that this is not the final stage of life, but a portal into our real existence. One that is all encompassing and not segregated like we have it now, me and you, us and them. It makes me wonder if Up In The Air is right. The only thing holding us down are the things we carry, both physical and emotional. I don't think it's our nature to not have attachments. Humans have a sense of self. It seems impossible to be a conscious being and then to ignore our sense of self because it is an illusion. It feels contradicting to go against everything you know. Sometimes to accept things, it shakes the core of your foundations and we need foundations, otherwise we have nothing. As nihilistic as I am about environmentalism, and politics- since I think "what's the point?"- but I always have a lingering hope that someone will have true intentions, someone will get it right, someone will have strong moral ethics. It's that hope I have that I'm wrong. That my foundations are wrong. I think I can accept my foundations falling for an actualized hope and not something that barrels me over. Like The Road or The Book of Eli, where everything as we know it changes so quickly and all that we have held onto disappears and we have nothing left but to rebuild new foundations. I still don't want to exist if something like that ever happened. If human beings were reduced to the savages that lie in our very core which lie dormant in the hearts of people, I don't want to be there, I don't want to be witness to the complete loss of my hope. Impermanence. This coke manic who really needs help said last week that the only thing that matters in life regardless of what everyone has told you and everything you have learned, is our attitudes. Maybe if it came from someone who wasn't mentally compromised, I might have taken it to heart. It was the most and probably the only intelligent thing that will have come out of that man's head. Attitudes are judgements, but without the proper intention of those attitudes, we can justify anything falsely. Which is why I can't take what this man said to heart, because looking at him, I think that philosophy will become overrun by idiots. The same idiots who believe in relativism. I think I have learned which attachments are worth holding onto and which ones are worth losing and walking away from. The only thing stopping me is the memory of the attachments I've left behind. Some are worth remembering and others are best forgotten. Days like today are worth holding onto, even though it's a collective memory of my many days spent in bed watching TV, movies, reading and being online.

Cheers to all your lazy Sundays.